In general, we understand that the term Dick again conjures up Men, and certainly that is not the whole truth. A more reasonable and equitable term might be Tube, as “tube” refers to the generally shared form of any gender’s genitalia and further refers to the creative power endemic in any human.
A Tube Dude is a dude bent on rewriting the rules towards its own ends, and it works with the template for “power” that has been largely stamped by Dicks. Tube Dudes share with Dicks a strong will to make an imprint upon the world around them. Tube Dudes are not uncommon in the Dude community, and they use a range of Dick techniques. Often a goal or main component of the Tube Dude project is some physical structure or location - the fostering of a Dude Empire.
The Dude Empire is most skillfully (and dudishly) manifest in a physical space fostered in the promotion of the chosen endeavor. This space should be open to the public in some fashion, so that there is a range of benefit within the community - basically people can participate in the field/work and/or receive the benefit of the work. There is not a whole lot of profit happening here; the concern is either cultural or social. Success is rather measured in quality of productions and/or popularity of the effort. The Empire is gotten through the Tube Dude we call Emperor, who is a single person more or less owning or controlling the space. The Empire is probably not the sole source of income for the Emperor. (An Empire can also be gotten by a group of motivated dudes, see Dude Values.)
Emperor - This Dude is a master (sometimes hopeful master?) in her dude field; includes the ownership or control of a physical space (Empire) fostered in the promotion of the chosen field/work. She is out in public - people generally know who this Dude is, and she is in contact with many people regarding the state and functions of the Empire. However, the Emperor may not be accessible in the way of your average Dude, therefore there is less shooting of shit and unscheduled hanging out.
Some Dudes affect aspirations toward an Empire, but if it is intended to exist for more explicitly personal gain, it cannot be regarded a Dude Empire. In this scenario, the Dude (or perhaps team of Busy Married Dudes) is not Emperor but Employer, inasmuch as this type of large scale project involves his Dude Network, using friendly Dudes as the necessary manpower. A participating “employee” Dude’s Dudosity is totally indulged by this loose style of Employment (not too demanding, writes his own hours, decent wage with no taxes, little perks like lunch and coffee etc, and basically a hang-out style atmosphere) and the long-term benefit of having invested, upwardly mobile friends (should they choose to remain Dudes).
Often a real Tube project needs the manpower of willing helpers to be successful. A motivated, large scale project foisted by a Tube Dude on her Dude Economy or general society can go either way on the Dick-Dude spectrum, depending on the extent to which she is allegiant to Dude Values. A measure of the relative Dudosity of any Tube project can be gleaned from observing: how much is “fairness” towards helpers employed in the endeavor (for this is a value often glaringly absent in Profit Motive)? Other assessments could be made through observations of Fun, Gratitude, &c. We mention this not to be judgmental of Dude Efforts but as a useful, cautionary tale. If you are a Dude or considering a Dude lifestyle, you may be enlisted in the service of a Tube’s project, and it is good to know what to look out for!
Motivated Hipster
The “Motivated Hipster”11 is a more productive version of the Dabbler, actually promoting and elevating the development of its projects. The Motivated Hipster succeeds in achieving relative cultural power through ruthless pursuit, most notably engaging others towards its end without returning the favor.
MONGER
The Monger (aka, The Professional) is active and networks within her field, but is primarily involved with the creation of a product, often creative and unique. The creative product is not a group effort, because the primary motive is economic profit. The Monger is oddly comfortable with marketing to fellow Dudes; this may be explained by a family to support or house payments. Mongers began as Dudes (and may or may not care to preserve that strong association), and are thus able to use insider dude consumer information to their benefit, targeting and increasing large audiences through various uses of the Dude Network. (see Productive Dudes, Internet)
The BULLSHIT ACTIVIST
Not to be confused with the Holier-Than-Thou (see Dude’s Dudes), this dude/dick has unlimited compassion for their cause (Socialism, Veganism, etc) countered by very limited compassion for partners, families, or other dudes. This theoretical compassion (rarely tested) masks essentially straight up dick or monster behavior.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monsters and Monster Types
In addition to Dudes, Dicks, and Folks, there is a fourth class of humans, known as “Monsters.” This word is etymologically linked with the Latin monstrare, the root of the word “demonstrate,” which means “to point out or show.” When Linnaeus classified animals and plants, there were some creatures that did not easily fit into any categories, (like the platypus) and had to be demonstrated separately: monsters.
Monsters are often outgrowths of other categories, people that have gone “too far” in a particular direction (generally the direction of their obsession) and are no longer dudes (or folk, or dicks, etc.). This is a phenomenon known as “monsterism.”
MONSTER TYPES
FIENDS: Severe addicts of slightly dangerous drugs, such as methamphetamine, heroin, and crack. Not every addict is a fiend - some are still dudes - but addiction sadly can cause people to lose their dudehood. Fiends often became involved in these drugs through dudish activities, either by hanging out with dudes who were using these drugs recreationally, or out of a deep personal striving, searching for the ultimate Fountain of Dudehood, which would magically replenish their dude fluid. But unfortunately, these people often end up losing all of their dudishness and turn into empty shells, bereft of all dude fluid.
ZOMBIES: Addicts of extremely dangerous (but mostly socially acceptable) drugs, like alcohol, television, facebook, and Scientology. Zombies resemble fiends in their emptiness and lack of dude fluid, but did not get into their addiction in an attempt at dudehood, but because of the horribly addictive and mind-destroying properties of these drugs, and because of the fact that these drugs are allowed and indeed strongly encouraged by the L.S.S. (larger social structure) This is evidence that, like an actual Zombie, this Monster does have Dude Fluid, but it had atrophied and hardened from this kind of self-abuse.12
GHOULS: Ghouls resemble Zombies and Fiends in superficial ways, but there is no discernible drug that has sapped their dude fluid. They simply waste away to nothing for no clear reason. The undeniable existence of Ghouls is one of the profound and sad mysteries of dude science.13
VAMPIRE: This person thrives off the energy of Dude Groups, encouraging the group’s existence without adding their own productive motivation. This Monster is suspected of leeching energy (or Dude Fluid) from the group. Potential Folk Monster.
Monsters discussed elsewhere in Dude Theory are:
ASSHOLES: The Dude Monsterism
COLLECTORS see Chris Ware14
SPORTS DUDES
MONGERS
TOUR HAG
VAMPIRE
BLOB
Monsters are often outgrowths of other categories, people that have gone “too far” in a particular direction (generally the direction of their obsession) and are no longer dudes (or folk, or dicks, etc.). This is a phenomenon known as “monsterism.”
MONSTER TYPES
FIENDS: Severe addicts of slightly dangerous drugs, such as methamphetamine, heroin, and crack. Not every addict is a fiend - some are still dudes - but addiction sadly can cause people to lose their dudehood. Fiends often became involved in these drugs through dudish activities, either by hanging out with dudes who were using these drugs recreationally, or out of a deep personal striving, searching for the ultimate Fountain of Dudehood, which would magically replenish their dude fluid. But unfortunately, these people often end up losing all of their dudishness and turn into empty shells, bereft of all dude fluid.
ZOMBIES: Addicts of extremely dangerous (but mostly socially acceptable) drugs, like alcohol, television, facebook, and Scientology. Zombies resemble fiends in their emptiness and lack of dude fluid, but did not get into their addiction in an attempt at dudehood, but because of the horribly addictive and mind-destroying properties of these drugs, and because of the fact that these drugs are allowed and indeed strongly encouraged by the L.S.S. (larger social structure) This is evidence that, like an actual Zombie, this Monster does have Dude Fluid, but it had atrophied and hardened from this kind of self-abuse.12
GHOULS: Ghouls resemble Zombies and Fiends in superficial ways, but there is no discernible drug that has sapped their dude fluid. They simply waste away to nothing for no clear reason. The undeniable existence of Ghouls is one of the profound and sad mysteries of dude science.13
VAMPIRE: This person thrives off the energy of Dude Groups, encouraging the group’s existence without adding their own productive motivation. This Monster is suspected of leeching energy (or Dude Fluid) from the group. Potential Folk Monster.
Monsters discussed elsewhere in Dude Theory are:
ASSHOLES: The Dude Monsterism
COLLECTORS see Chris Ware14
SPORTS DUDES
MONGERS
TOUR HAG
VAMPIRE
BLOB
Dude Types: Vibrational Studies Department
These types are not solely endemic to dudes, but refer to more broad characterizations of personality types that appear deviant in society. Because Dudes are generally more tolerant of deviance, they tend to pop up with frequency in the Network.
THE CREEP
The Creep is remarkably versatile and can be found in the company of a variety of Dudes and Folks. The Creep is aware of social norms and mores, but has made a wholly individual discovery: social rules are inessential. Perhaps this discovery arises from the internal acknowledgement of deviant predilections. The Creep has no intention of relinquishing its predilections, but has a sense that they should be secret from the world-at-large. In this way, the Creep gains a heightened sense of self-as-outsider.
THE JERK
The Jerk is so named for a disruptive social sensibility. The Jerk is a master of timing, quick with interjection – unconscious blurts or well-aimed jabs that tend to offend. The Jerk’s jerkiness can be subtle or overt. All Jerks have a heightened association with agitation, or “jerking.”16 You might say that a jerk has an excessive amount of dudeness - that is, an excessive amount of self-definition. Something can be defined if it can be clearly distinguished from something else, and so jerks focus on defining themselves against other people.17
THE CHARMER
The Charmer wields a combination of sparkling essence and unintentional attractiveness in a manner most find quite flirtatious. This is a naturally powerful personality, effectively opposite of the antagonism of the jerk. In dudes we often experience it in abbreviated encounters, as many Charmers utilize a distancing technique of awkwardness, which of course compounds the effect with a layer of intrigue. The Charmer as dude must learn to positively channel its large charge towards some engrossing project, lest it risk the consequences of casually attracting the greedy Monsters lurking within fellow Dudes.
THE UNLUCKY DUDE shares with the Conspira-seer a certainty that the universe is against him. Indeed, it very much appears that way, as this Dude is constantly, sadly relating another trial in his life. On the surface level, his trials are trivial and actually humorous, but make no mistake, his problems go all the way down, and gain a deep and tragic weirdness as they go. In penis-bearers, this type could possibly be the result of grappling with a Dude-like self-thwart over the reality of his unfortunately large penis. **Victim
THE SPOOK
The Spook might provoke a similar effect to that of the Creep, as you feel kind of uneasy in its presence. It may seem distant until you gain familiarity; then it will evoke an implied intimacy through a somewhat sly manner, communicating best in small groupings during dark hours. Hanging out with the Spook will eventually come around to urban exploration (possibly tagging), ghost and conspiracy stories, tarot readings and other circus activities.
The Living Nerve
This person is personally uncomfortable and provokes a chain reaction of discomfort in others. Does not operate well in large groups, and has a hard time understanding others’ points of view. Achieves Dudeness through one-on-one interactions and through the internet, which encourages indirect interaction and indulgence in obsessions.
THE CREEP
The Creep is remarkably versatile and can be found in the company of a variety of Dudes and Folks. The Creep is aware of social norms and mores, but has made a wholly individual discovery: social rules are inessential. Perhaps this discovery arises from the internal acknowledgement of deviant predilections. The Creep has no intention of relinquishing its predilections, but has a sense that they should be secret from the world-at-large. In this way, the Creep gains a heightened sense of self-as-outsider.
The Creep can be social or non-social in activity, but always has a guarded sense of its own attitudes in relation to those of others. This gives the Creep a certain sidelong glance as it scans individuals, attempting to discern how much of its bent it can safely reveal. Conversationally, it is given to silent pauses and deflective techniques. When unleavened by social jocularity, these irregular qualities give rise to the uneasy reaction that many associate with the Creep.
There are many types of outsiders to social medians, but it is the Creep who is most covertly aware of its outsider status. Perhaps there are two kinds of Creeps – those brought up in an environment that directly denied some crucial predilection, and those whose predilection is deviance itself.
The irregular pacing of the Creep can be quite charming, depending on one’s degree of attachment to social norms. The Creep is so named for its furtive qualities, preferring stealth and shadows, where its activities will not attract attention.
The Creep is a Trauma Victim that refuses to be defined by that Trauma, though it is always an active battle. To uncover the Trauma of the Creep is the most rewarding relationship you can forge with him.
THE JERK
The Jerk is so named for a disruptive social sensibility. The Jerk is a master of timing, quick with interjection – unconscious blurts or well-aimed jabs that tend to offend. The Jerk’s jerkiness can be subtle or overt. All Jerks have a heightened association with agitation, or “jerking.”16 You might say that a jerk has an excessive amount of dudeness - that is, an excessive amount of self-definition. Something can be defined if it can be clearly distinguished from something else, and so jerks focus on defining themselves against other people.17
The motivation of the Jerk is variable, lying somewhere between nobility and asshole-ism. On the noble end of the spectrum, the Jerk performs a valuable social role, perhaps stemming from some sort of Jerk Code. For example, when social conventions and unspoken rules are allowing some kind of horrible shit to happen, a jerk will be the first person to open its mouth and say something. On a lesser scale, the jerk simply prevents social niceties from slipping into bland mistruths. Thusly the jerk may come to possess a sense of righteousness (the accuracy of the righteousness being dependant upon the accuracy of the “truth” the Jerk perceives and imposes).
On the other end, the Jerk is motivated by a titillation – the demonstration of its own power to yank a body from whatever indulgent inertia the jerk perceives it engaging. Sometimes, however, jerks may be so jerky that they cannot and do not perform any kind of positive social role. Such people are known as assholes. They will be argumentative and bullying just for the sake of being an asshole. In this case, there is less of an allegiance to the Jerk Code of truth telling. An asshole can be such an asshole that they end up destroying relationships that are important to their own well-being, and ultimately destroy themselves. This is the Dude Monsterism.18
Certainly an objective consideration of the Jerk can value it as palette cleanser. However, motivated Jerks are rarely warmly received. A repeat victim will be unable to feel comfortable in the presence of a Jerk, anticipating a variety of ridicule. The motivated Jerks enjoy this deference, as it bows to their power, and can incorporate it into a kind of personalized abuse.
Other Jerks are more impish, playing liberally with a sense of obfuscation and surprise, more misleading than mocking. The classic Tricksters are, perhaps, real Jerks.
Jerks are related to VOCAL OPINIONISTS or CONTRARIANS.
THE CHARMER
The Charmer wields a combination of sparkling essence and unintentional attractiveness in a manner most find quite flirtatious. This is a naturally powerful personality, effectively opposite of the antagonism of the jerk. In dudes we often experience it in abbreviated encounters, as many Charmers utilize a distancing technique of awkwardness, which of course compounds the effect with a layer of intrigue. The Charmer as dude must learn to positively channel its large charge towards some engrossing project, lest it risk the consequences of casually attracting the greedy Monsters lurking within fellow Dudes.
THE UNLUCKY DUDE shares with the Conspira-seer a certainty that the universe is against him. Indeed, it very much appears that way, as this Dude is constantly, sadly relating another trial in his life. On the surface level, his trials are trivial and actually humorous, but make no mistake, his problems go all the way down, and gain a deep and tragic weirdness as they go. In penis-bearers, this type could possibly be the result of grappling with a Dude-like self-thwart over the reality of his unfortunately large penis. **Victim
THE SPOOK
The Spook might provoke a similar effect to that of the Creep, as you feel kind of uneasy in its presence. It may seem distant until you gain familiarity; then it will evoke an implied intimacy through a somewhat sly manner, communicating best in small groupings during dark hours. Hanging out with the Spook will eventually come around to urban exploration (possibly tagging), ghost and conspiracy stories, tarot readings and other circus activities.
The Living Nerve
This person is personally uncomfortable and provokes a chain reaction of discomfort in others. Does not operate well in large groups, and has a hard time understanding others’ points of view. Achieves Dudeness through one-on-one interactions and through the internet, which encourages indirect interaction and indulgence in obsessions.
Dude's Dudes; Dude Types
These are basically next level Dudes, the kind of dudes that are allowed to come out of a fully functioning dude sector of society, born fully of dude values. We could call them Guys. These Guys are somewhat relatively temporary manifestations of an individual dude - habitual ways of being that might fade with age or motivation. But indeed there is no rulebook - undoubtedly there are Old Dudes who have made their own success using these templates as an arc of development. Failure in the endeavor will result in a Monsterism.
DABBLING DUDES
A product of the times, the Dabbling Dude takes active interest in a variety of issues and events. The Dabbler has a wide, if biased, lens on contemporary society and involves itself in varying degrees with self-education, socio-political activism, adopting creative skills, and/or having fun with Friends. Dabblers likely have a backlog of their own Projects, some of which very nearly resemble ambitions, but are generally thwarted from being so by the sheer number of competing projects. Dabblers are definitely available to pitch in when the project of a Motivated Dude needs extra manpower, but are also awesome at just hanging out. Lurking beneath the lifestyle may be a kind of victimhood - an insecurity that this inability to focus on a single cause is not ideal. Is the insecure Dabbler guiltily responding to outdated norms, and the failure to live up to the example of motivated friends? Or is the path of human self-development necessarily reliant on the exercise of such focus?
Sometimes this dude achieves success not by narrowing her field, but by rather turning her enterprise into a cult of personality. This may be the most natural evolution of the Dabbler, if she is up for the relentless self-promotion involved. However, this is a fine line - if this Dude succeeds at flushing the economic self-sabotage that may be at her core (and reinforced by association with Dick Resistance Front), then she is an ideal candidate for moving into Dick realms.
FIXIES
This Dude rides a Fixed Gear Bicycle. It is an odd choice. What is the point of riding a Fixed Gear Bicycle? Hipsters [please see Authenticity and Fashion under Dude Values] are often the Dudes making this choice, so we must take the qualities of the Hipster into account, including a great love of “irony” behind its overtly incongruous stylistic choices.
The Fixed Gear Bicycle suggests a stubborness - an exhibit or announcement that this Fixie isn’t going to participate in social norms. But of course the FGB is becoming a norm or trend of its own ... and it is exactly this inconsistency or shallow commitment to irony that draws so much Hipster Hate. For example, the FGB is a stylistically retro choice, smacking of the classic or old fashioned, hearkening back to an industrious America and a hard working ethic that doesn’t need things to be too easy. But when the FGB is accessorized with credit cards, fancy cell phones, insipid music hording devices and wireless coffee shops, Dudes might gotta roll their eyes.19
TOUR HAG (Monster/Dude Hybrid)
This is the basic devolution of the classic Hippie, manifesting through the currently intense culture of Jam/Reggae bands and their devoted Tourists. A straight arrow into Monsterdom, he has no value in a local Dude Network, for he has been on tour too long. Lives off the band, participates in a parking lot economy. Wide age range, and the drug lifestyle ages appearance 30+ years. Like gypsies, but bad. Disease carriers. Gauge their lives off the shows they have seen. If you do not patronize these events, you may never have to interact with one - but considering all main touring jam bands and their innumerable offshoots, we must admit the popularity of the type.
The QUEEN BEE
Generally the alpha female in any dude hive, known for “throwin it around,” and pushing an aggressive sexuality in any available dude grouping. This person can definitely be counted on to shake things up in terms of the truly cool and truly awkward (see cool vs. awkward chart), by unnerving the normally cool and/or drawing in the normally awkward. The queen bee can also be an organizing force in a dude group, getting things done less attractive dudes can’t get away with. Can veer towards dick/tube territory if the power becomes too apparent to the queen bee and it goes to her head, pushing too many dubious projects in a vain attempt at proving she’s more than just a hot dude. There are rare instances of a male version of this.
HOLIER-THAN-THOU
Like the contrarian, this person acts by reaction, but to different ends. The Holier-Than-Thou operates from an overriding sense that the decisions they have made are far and away morally better than anyone else’s and that, because of this, they are oddly exempt from normal societal rules, like a Creep but more righteous. This type is perhaps best described from this field description, taken from a first-hand account of a Proto-Hippie gone awry:
“She's this social rebel sort, young and infuriated about … capitalism? Pretty political, pretty dirty, would never hold a job or buy a car or anything like that, tends to scoot around the country on hitched rides and maybe train hopping, living in group situations, always dumpster diving or working on a bike or a compost pile… do you know this sort of person? I really don't mind them, very spark-y and maybe kind of corny but hey, I don't really like capitalist system either ... But the problem with this Dude is she is so totally into her own system that she can only really deal with people that are also on that level. We went to a bar and she was like a fucking dud. Some older gentleman starts chatting with us and she just shuts down and becomes the most miserable jackass, probably mulling over sexism, etc. Finally, the last time we saw her, she confessed that she was just on a "higher spiritual plane" than most people, and when you got right down to it, she COULDN'T communicate with others, because of this lofty plane. Hm. So socialist, and so elitist. I guess these freewheeling types are in a weird position… they don't want to be sucking at the teat of society, but if EVERYONE drove around in their jerry-rigged vehicle, there wouldn't be enough French fry grease fuel to go around.”20
RATTLER
A Dude that aggressively uses their appearance to warn you that they are not very nice. Could be a natural Charmer who has had many unfortunate experiences attracting Monsters. It possesses this contrast: social distaste combined with a compulsive need to be present and distinctive in the Dude Network. Body augmentation and/or glowering when in public. Unfortunately, many people nowadays are attracted to such dark displays, and inevitably the sensational display of warning backfires by attracting fawning attention, which it wants but does not want. Everyone is uncomfortable.
DANCING GRANDMA
In much the same way that the presence of a frog indicates a healthy ecosystem, a Dancing Grandma in your community suggests you Dudes are doing something right! Noticed at high energy outdoor music festival - people stare, then smile, but DG in jogging clothes does not alter her hustle.
GALAPAGANS
Obverse Hipsters, in the other Beat tradition of refusing accumulated information for direct experience. For example - does not purchase recorded music, but will go to music shows put on by friends and local bands. May forcefully abstain from electronic social networking while maintaining personal connections. On an even more personal level, may obtusely withdraw from all but select Dude Groupings that involve trusted friends, avoiding any personally corrupting and dramatically destructive types of melees (folk tendency). Definitely Contrarian and possibly a Jerk, this conservative type emerges after a quick glance around the universe of information, contemporary consumer options, and warped human interaction leaves her feeling overwhelmed.
VOCAL OPINIONIST
The Vocal Opinionists vary between intelligent, thoughtful humans and the Blowhards of yesteryear. They contrast with contrarians by possessing actual love for the object of their opinions, and are thus less prone to the jerking action of having “opinions for opinions’ sake”. However, the weight they place on the things they love (a particular band or sports team, for example) can end up paradoxically pushing others away from these things. This may be a desirable effect, preserving this dude’s singularity (Dude Currency). In a related fashion, the Vocal Opinionist can also develop a taste for the obscure and the niche, declaiming anything remotely popular; this high ground has dick character, mostly populated by cowards who assert the superiority of the unknown.
THE CONTRARIAN
Acting from a folk awareness, the contrarian moves with the Dude Group by moving away from it. In some this is merely an argumentative stance, in others, a reflexive way of life. The contrarian may be honestly but unconsciously motivated by a will to balance or perhaps by a habitual revulsion to popular opinion. In another way, this person could concentrate so hard on being different from other people that they simply oppose whomever they are talking to. In this monsterification, there is no clear “self” anymore, just an opposition to others, as the warped process of self-definition causes the person to be less defined.
The career contrarian (dick tendencies) can skillfully assess the self-image of another dude, for the purpose of embodying the opposite impression; in this way, she immediately establishes herself as an individual noteworthy or unsettling in the other dude’s landscape (high currency).
OLD DUDE can refer to a single, aged Dude famously endemic to the local Network (“That Dancing Santa sure is an Old Dude”) Have caution when approaching! You may be dealing with a Vampire.
PARTY TERRORIST
These dudes have a real will towards disruption, this tendency forcefully evident in gatherings of friend-groups (like parties). The PT’s urge is deliberately obtuse and irrepressible. The urge may be chronically present, even in the daily preoccupations of the PT, or may be the temporary infection of an otherwise-identified Dude - perhaps ingested physical intoxicant or maybe just a sensitive individual’s aggressively contrarian response to a group’s charge. The PT is driven to counter the manifesting group whim with outrageously squelching acts. Irritating. The Party Terrorist implicates himself. This is a blurry ground between a Dude and a Fiend. May be the active opposite of a Creep.
Related to the Party Terrorist is the Sad Bomb, which is hopefully rare and exceptionally ungracious. The wielder of the Sad Bomb makes his personal trauma unavoidably evident to the gathered group, resulting in a general pall and dampening of spirits, awkward silence and repellent of potential fun.21 In the Jersey Shore Universe, a similar effect is gotten by the Grenade.
The HANDYMAN
The dude who happily volunteers his time, tools, truck etc for physical work, many times for free. This seems like a very Dude-like way of comporting oneself, but there may also be a nearly creepy sense that they are accumulating favors. Occasionally this Dude can get too assertive with display of skills, as if to ward off the effects of (potentially) lazy friends.
THE ACADEMIC
Can exist on both the student and teacher ends of the spectrum. The Academic remains firmly ensconced in its own universe where decisions take on life-or-death proportions, but outside of the academic world the stakes are almost imperceptibly small. Academia would seem to be the ideal home away from home for most Dudes, but your individual endeavors are almost always enveloped in a tide of resentment mostly based on ramped up ideas of prestige. The average academic may have at one time exhibited dude-like behavior but since the artificial world took hold, you would barely know what we’re talking about, let alone bother to read this booklet. The academic, identified in its earliest stages, can follow a common pattern of slowly discarding their dudes for both the dick attempts at forging a career in academia, and folk responsibilities at home.
THE CURATOR
Almost a hipster crossed with an academic on speed, the Curator takes his cultural consumption so seriously that there is no room for error, in obscurity, density and pure impeccability, with room for guilty pleasures if only claimed as such (something they have clearly evolved above), or enjoyed in a purely academic nature. Very much into the idea of prestige, this dude may have everything else in their life in some sort of balance, but in many cases the curator can easily cross over into dick territory, and will happily use and declaim those who doesn’t “get” their arcana so as to advance in their hoped-for careers in being actual curators or delusional librarians. A glance at a dude’s bookshelf can help you identify the type, though these may be the only names you will recognize:
CURATOR’S BOOKSHELF (AKA LIBRARY OF THE DAMNED)
Finnegan’s Wake by James Joyce
Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace
Gravity’s Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon
Any No-Wave vinyl (The Contortions, Teenage Jesus and the Jerks, etc)
1970’s German Krautrock (Can, Faust, Kraftwerk (maybe), Cluster...)
SKEPTICS
Somewhat opposed to the Next Waver, and less imaginative than the Conspira-seer, the Skeptic is ruthless in the use of reason to debunk speculative theories of possibility. If the Skeptic comes from a sincere will to prevent crimes of disillusion, it can be a gentle force. But it can become habitually opposed to just about everything that does not provide proof of its existence, which is problematic (speaking as a Next Waver). If this Skeptic has a podcast, it has moved into Monsterdom.
DABBLING DUDES
A product of the times, the Dabbling Dude takes active interest in a variety of issues and events. The Dabbler has a wide, if biased, lens on contemporary society and involves itself in varying degrees with self-education, socio-political activism, adopting creative skills, and/or having fun with Friends. Dabblers likely have a backlog of their own Projects, some of which very nearly resemble ambitions, but are generally thwarted from being so by the sheer number of competing projects. Dabblers are definitely available to pitch in when the project of a Motivated Dude needs extra manpower, but are also awesome at just hanging out. Lurking beneath the lifestyle may be a kind of victimhood - an insecurity that this inability to focus on a single cause is not ideal. Is the insecure Dabbler guiltily responding to outdated norms, and the failure to live up to the example of motivated friends? Or is the path of human self-development necessarily reliant on the exercise of such focus?
Sometimes this dude achieves success not by narrowing her field, but by rather turning her enterprise into a cult of personality. This may be the most natural evolution of the Dabbler, if she is up for the relentless self-promotion involved. However, this is a fine line - if this Dude succeeds at flushing the economic self-sabotage that may be at her core (and reinforced by association with Dick Resistance Front), then she is an ideal candidate for moving into Dick realms.
FIXIES
This Dude rides a Fixed Gear Bicycle. It is an odd choice. What is the point of riding a Fixed Gear Bicycle? Hipsters [please see Authenticity and Fashion under Dude Values] are often the Dudes making this choice, so we must take the qualities of the Hipster into account, including a great love of “irony” behind its overtly incongruous stylistic choices.
The Fixed Gear Bicycle suggests a stubborness - an exhibit or announcement that this Fixie isn’t going to participate in social norms. But of course the FGB is becoming a norm or trend of its own ... and it is exactly this inconsistency or shallow commitment to irony that draws so much Hipster Hate. For example, the FGB is a stylistically retro choice, smacking of the classic or old fashioned, hearkening back to an industrious America and a hard working ethic that doesn’t need things to be too easy. But when the FGB is accessorized with credit cards, fancy cell phones, insipid music hording devices and wireless coffee shops, Dudes might gotta roll their eyes.19
TOUR HAG (Monster/Dude Hybrid)
This is the basic devolution of the classic Hippie, manifesting through the currently intense culture of Jam/Reggae bands and their devoted Tourists. A straight arrow into Monsterdom, he has no value in a local Dude Network, for he has been on tour too long. Lives off the band, participates in a parking lot economy. Wide age range, and the drug lifestyle ages appearance 30+ years. Like gypsies, but bad. Disease carriers. Gauge their lives off the shows they have seen. If you do not patronize these events, you may never have to interact with one - but considering all main touring jam bands and their innumerable offshoots, we must admit the popularity of the type.
The QUEEN BEE
Generally the alpha female in any dude hive, known for “throwin it around,” and pushing an aggressive sexuality in any available dude grouping. This person can definitely be counted on to shake things up in terms of the truly cool and truly awkward (see cool vs. awkward chart), by unnerving the normally cool and/or drawing in the normally awkward. The queen bee can also be an organizing force in a dude group, getting things done less attractive dudes can’t get away with. Can veer towards dick/tube territory if the power becomes too apparent to the queen bee and it goes to her head, pushing too many dubious projects in a vain attempt at proving she’s more than just a hot dude. There are rare instances of a male version of this.
HOLIER-THAN-THOU
Like the contrarian, this person acts by reaction, but to different ends. The Holier-Than-Thou operates from an overriding sense that the decisions they have made are far and away morally better than anyone else’s and that, because of this, they are oddly exempt from normal societal rules, like a Creep but more righteous. This type is perhaps best described from this field description, taken from a first-hand account of a Proto-Hippie gone awry:
“She's this social rebel sort, young and infuriated about … capitalism? Pretty political, pretty dirty, would never hold a job or buy a car or anything like that, tends to scoot around the country on hitched rides and maybe train hopping, living in group situations, always dumpster diving or working on a bike or a compost pile… do you know this sort of person? I really don't mind them, very spark-y and maybe kind of corny but hey, I don't really like capitalist system either ... But the problem with this Dude is she is so totally into her own system that she can only really deal with people that are also on that level. We went to a bar and she was like a fucking dud. Some older gentleman starts chatting with us and she just shuts down and becomes the most miserable jackass, probably mulling over sexism, etc. Finally, the last time we saw her, she confessed that she was just on a "higher spiritual plane" than most people, and when you got right down to it, she COULDN'T communicate with others, because of this lofty plane. Hm. So socialist, and so elitist. I guess these freewheeling types are in a weird position… they don't want to be sucking at the teat of society, but if EVERYONE drove around in their jerry-rigged vehicle, there wouldn't be enough French fry grease fuel to go around.”20
RATTLER
A Dude that aggressively uses their appearance to warn you that they are not very nice. Could be a natural Charmer who has had many unfortunate experiences attracting Monsters. It possesses this contrast: social distaste combined with a compulsive need to be present and distinctive in the Dude Network. Body augmentation and/or glowering when in public. Unfortunately, many people nowadays are attracted to such dark displays, and inevitably the sensational display of warning backfires by attracting fawning attention, which it wants but does not want. Everyone is uncomfortable.
DANCING GRANDMA
In much the same way that the presence of a frog indicates a healthy ecosystem, a Dancing Grandma in your community suggests you Dudes are doing something right! Noticed at high energy outdoor music festival - people stare, then smile, but DG in jogging clothes does not alter her hustle.
GALAPAGANS
Obverse Hipsters, in the other Beat tradition of refusing accumulated information for direct experience. For example - does not purchase recorded music, but will go to music shows put on by friends and local bands. May forcefully abstain from electronic social networking while maintaining personal connections. On an even more personal level, may obtusely withdraw from all but select Dude Groupings that involve trusted friends, avoiding any personally corrupting and dramatically destructive types of melees (folk tendency). Definitely Contrarian and possibly a Jerk, this conservative type emerges after a quick glance around the universe of information, contemporary consumer options, and warped human interaction leaves her feeling overwhelmed.
VOCAL OPINIONIST
The Vocal Opinionists vary between intelligent, thoughtful humans and the Blowhards of yesteryear. They contrast with contrarians by possessing actual love for the object of their opinions, and are thus less prone to the jerking action of having “opinions for opinions’ sake”. However, the weight they place on the things they love (a particular band or sports team, for example) can end up paradoxically pushing others away from these things. This may be a desirable effect, preserving this dude’s singularity (Dude Currency). In a related fashion, the Vocal Opinionist can also develop a taste for the obscure and the niche, declaiming anything remotely popular; this high ground has dick character, mostly populated by cowards who assert the superiority of the unknown.
THE CONTRARIAN
Acting from a folk awareness, the contrarian moves with the Dude Group by moving away from it. In some this is merely an argumentative stance, in others, a reflexive way of life. The contrarian may be honestly but unconsciously motivated by a will to balance or perhaps by a habitual revulsion to popular opinion. In another way, this person could concentrate so hard on being different from other people that they simply oppose whomever they are talking to. In this monsterification, there is no clear “self” anymore, just an opposition to others, as the warped process of self-definition causes the person to be less defined.
The career contrarian (dick tendencies) can skillfully assess the self-image of another dude, for the purpose of embodying the opposite impression; in this way, she immediately establishes herself as an individual noteworthy or unsettling in the other dude’s landscape (high currency).
OLD DUDE can refer to a single, aged Dude famously endemic to the local Network (“That Dancing Santa sure is an Old Dude”) Have caution when approaching! You may be dealing with a Vampire.
PARTY TERRORIST
These dudes have a real will towards disruption, this tendency forcefully evident in gatherings of friend-groups (like parties). The PT’s urge is deliberately obtuse and irrepressible. The urge may be chronically present, even in the daily preoccupations of the PT, or may be the temporary infection of an otherwise-identified Dude - perhaps ingested physical intoxicant or maybe just a sensitive individual’s aggressively contrarian response to a group’s charge. The PT is driven to counter the manifesting group whim with outrageously squelching acts. Irritating. The Party Terrorist implicates himself. This is a blurry ground between a Dude and a Fiend. May be the active opposite of a Creep.
Related to the Party Terrorist is the Sad Bomb, which is hopefully rare and exceptionally ungracious. The wielder of the Sad Bomb makes his personal trauma unavoidably evident to the gathered group, resulting in a general pall and dampening of spirits, awkward silence and repellent of potential fun.21 In the Jersey Shore Universe, a similar effect is gotten by the Grenade.
The HANDYMAN
The dude who happily volunteers his time, tools, truck etc for physical work, many times for free. This seems like a very Dude-like way of comporting oneself, but there may also be a nearly creepy sense that they are accumulating favors. Occasionally this Dude can get too assertive with display of skills, as if to ward off the effects of (potentially) lazy friends.
THE ACADEMIC
Can exist on both the student and teacher ends of the spectrum. The Academic remains firmly ensconced in its own universe where decisions take on life-or-death proportions, but outside of the academic world the stakes are almost imperceptibly small. Academia would seem to be the ideal home away from home for most Dudes, but your individual endeavors are almost always enveloped in a tide of resentment mostly based on ramped up ideas of prestige. The average academic may have at one time exhibited dude-like behavior but since the artificial world took hold, you would barely know what we’re talking about, let alone bother to read this booklet. The academic, identified in its earliest stages, can follow a common pattern of slowly discarding their dudes for both the dick attempts at forging a career in academia, and folk responsibilities at home.
THE CURATOR
Almost a hipster crossed with an academic on speed, the Curator takes his cultural consumption so seriously that there is no room for error, in obscurity, density and pure impeccability, with room for guilty pleasures if only claimed as such (something they have clearly evolved above), or enjoyed in a purely academic nature. Very much into the idea of prestige, this dude may have everything else in their life in some sort of balance, but in many cases the curator can easily cross over into dick territory, and will happily use and declaim those who doesn’t “get” their arcana so as to advance in their hoped-for careers in being actual curators or delusional librarians. A glance at a dude’s bookshelf can help you identify the type, though these may be the only names you will recognize:
CURATOR’S BOOKSHELF (AKA LIBRARY OF THE DAMNED)
Finnegan’s Wake by James Joyce
Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace
Gravity’s Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon
Any No-Wave vinyl (The Contortions, Teenage Jesus and the Jerks, etc)
1970’s German Krautrock (Can, Faust, Kraftwerk (maybe), Cluster...)
Berlin Alezanderplatz DVD set
Last Year at Marienbad, directed by Alain Resnais
Salo
Max Richter, Johan Johanson, Ulrich Snauss
Andre Tarkovsky
Heidegger’s Being and Time
Derrida’s Of Grammatology
Brian Chippendale’s Ninja
Jimbo in Purgatory by Gary Panter
Arcades Project by Walter Benjamin
LIBRARY SHELF JUNIOR
Naked Lunch, by Wm S Burroughs
Kerouac, Brautigan, other
Hunter S. Thompson
Captain Beefheart albums
Free Jazz albums (Ornette Coleman, late Coltrane, Albert Ayler,
Pharoah Sanders, Alice Coltrane)
Norman Mailer
any random but prominently displayed philosophy books
Wes Anderson movies
The Beatles
Citizen Kane
Ayn Rand
Gertrude Stein
Virginia Woolf
SKEPTICS
Somewhat opposed to the Next Waver, and less imaginative than the Conspira-seer, the Skeptic is ruthless in the use of reason to debunk speculative theories of possibility. If the Skeptic comes from a sincere will to prevent crimes of disillusion, it can be a gentle force. But it can become habitually opposed to just about everything that does not provide proof of its existence, which is problematic (speaking as a Next Waver). If this Skeptic has a podcast, it has moved into Monsterdom.
Dude Network: Dude Correspondence
The observation of Dude Correspondence is the actual genesis of our dude theorizing. Most dudes that have traveled beyond their home town or city have had this experience, the experience of Dude Correspondence.
Have you ever gone travelling and seen a dude (A2) that reminds you of an exact dude (A1) you know back home? And then seen someone else, call her Dude B2, that corresponds to yet another local dude (Dude B1)? Or perhaps you are speaking to an Exterior Dude (see below), describing someone you know, and the Exterior dude is all - “Oh yeah, we have that Dude here”. Then enters the sneaking suspicion that there are only so many Dudes.
Have you ever gone travelling and seen a dude (A2) that reminds you of an exact dude (A1) you know back home? And then seen someone else, call her Dude B2, that corresponds to yet another local dude (Dude B1)? Or perhaps you are speaking to an Exterior Dude (see below), describing someone you know, and the Exterior dude is all - “Oh yeah, we have that Dude here”. Then enters the sneaking suspicion that there are only so many Dudes.
Dude Network: Dudes In Space
INTERIOR and EXTERIOR Dudes
From the perspective of a Local Dude (basically calls one place home) - Interior Dudes are geographically local and share our everyday life. Exterior Dudes are non-local; either a former Interior Dude or a seemingly Real Dude22 met during travel, worth forming a consciously sustained bond. Most Dudes will eagerly travel, and lifestyles of every variety have been crafted to accommodate occasional or longer stays in multiple locations. There is no template, though the majority of dudes are to some high percentage Local Dudes.
Local dudes with an entrenched Network get to enjoy Neighborhoodism, basically the case where, as you go about your daily life, you are constantly running into dudes. Of course this has its ups and downs, but is generally an awesome advantage. Pinnacles: Your pizza delivery guy is your dude. Your mailman is your dude.
The TRANSIENT DUDE
Clearly, a key to successful dude networking is settling into a place to explore the groups and subgroups within a city’s particular dude network. The dude that moves around from city to city for various reasons impedes this, and research has shown that, with age as a factor, repeated moving does not enhance a dude’s ability to work into dude networks; if anything, one’s dude sniffing abilities increase but a given group is likely to become more closed and territorial as they grow older, with more folk tendencies.
The Transient Dude is thus in danger of pursuing external dude qualities to the detriment of internal dude development. (The reverse of this is the Entrenched Dude: all interior, no exterior, which can also happen with Dude marriages.)
Also note the Dude of Eternal Return, who keeps on leaving the hometown and keeps on coming back. This Dude may already be challenging the local network with an implied attitude that the hometown is “not good enough”. This situation may be exacerbated by The Field Reporter - one who constantly references the (more) glamorous locales she is familiar with. We can have sympathy for the limits of her ability to contribute, but the trait (if primary) is generally unwelcome in the network.23
This said, initial relocation from one’s formative homestead is a crucial step in Dude Training. This is the American heritage. Often, a local Dude Network will contain a good handful of the GEOGRAPHIC REPRESENTATIVE - These Dudes have been strongly shaped by a non-local region and possess a natural novelty (Dude Currency) for any Dude hive. Accents will get you far.
A notable corollary to this phenomenon is a Dude whose style naturally emulates a non-local Dude hive, especially if the Dude keeps threatening to re-locate to that area. [see: Austin, Portland, Madison, Athens]
Localists - City Type
This Dude has total allegiance to the place it lives. This is often a city of variable size that has a substantial Dude Network that provides for the desired lifestyle of a Dude. Larger magnet cities of national renown with busy arts scenes obviously invite this type of allegiance, but there is a more rabid form, practiced by residents of less lauded urban areas - especially those that have bottomed out economically or been ravaged (New Orleans, Detroit). It is in this society of borderline legitimacy that Dudes can begin to direct their own underground economy. Love for the area is expressed vehemently, often while drunk, and asserted with defiance against the rest of the nation or region, which has written them off. This can be a form of snobbery, and off-putting to a dude who is not as committed to the complex subtleties of society that the local dude enjoys. Excellent tour guides, if you like house parties and basement shows.24
From the perspective of a Local Dude (basically calls one place home) - Interior Dudes are geographically local and share our everyday life. Exterior Dudes are non-local; either a former Interior Dude or a seemingly Real Dude22 met during travel, worth forming a consciously sustained bond. Most Dudes will eagerly travel, and lifestyles of every variety have been crafted to accommodate occasional or longer stays in multiple locations. There is no template, though the majority of dudes are to some high percentage Local Dudes.
Local dudes with an entrenched Network get to enjoy Neighborhoodism, basically the case where, as you go about your daily life, you are constantly running into dudes. Of course this has its ups and downs, but is generally an awesome advantage. Pinnacles: Your pizza delivery guy is your dude. Your mailman is your dude.
The TRANSIENT DUDE
Clearly, a key to successful dude networking is settling into a place to explore the groups and subgroups within a city’s particular dude network. The dude that moves around from city to city for various reasons impedes this, and research has shown that, with age as a factor, repeated moving does not enhance a dude’s ability to work into dude networks; if anything, one’s dude sniffing abilities increase but a given group is likely to become more closed and territorial as they grow older, with more folk tendencies.
The Transient Dude is thus in danger of pursuing external dude qualities to the detriment of internal dude development. (The reverse of this is the Entrenched Dude: all interior, no exterior, which can also happen with Dude marriages.)
Also note the Dude of Eternal Return, who keeps on leaving the hometown and keeps on coming back. This Dude may already be challenging the local network with an implied attitude that the hometown is “not good enough”. This situation may be exacerbated by The Field Reporter - one who constantly references the (more) glamorous locales she is familiar with. We can have sympathy for the limits of her ability to contribute, but the trait (if primary) is generally unwelcome in the network.23
This said, initial relocation from one’s formative homestead is a crucial step in Dude Training. This is the American heritage. Often, a local Dude Network will contain a good handful of the GEOGRAPHIC REPRESENTATIVE - These Dudes have been strongly shaped by a non-local region and possess a natural novelty (Dude Currency) for any Dude hive. Accents will get you far.
A notable corollary to this phenomenon is a Dude whose style naturally emulates a non-local Dude hive, especially if the Dude keeps threatening to re-locate to that area. [see: Austin, Portland, Madison, Athens]
Localists - City Type
This Dude has total allegiance to the place it lives. This is often a city of variable size that has a substantial Dude Network that provides for the desired lifestyle of a Dude. Larger magnet cities of national renown with busy arts scenes obviously invite this type of allegiance, but there is a more rabid form, practiced by residents of less lauded urban areas - especially those that have bottomed out economically or been ravaged (New Orleans, Detroit). It is in this society of borderline legitimacy that Dudes can begin to direct their own underground economy. Love for the area is expressed vehemently, often while drunk, and asserted with defiance against the rest of the nation or region, which has written them off. This can be a form of snobbery, and off-putting to a dude who is not as committed to the complex subtleties of society that the local dude enjoys. Excellent tour guides, if you like house parties and basement shows.24
Dude Network: Dude Training
The Majority of dude training takes place on college campuses - some will drift back towards folk or propel themselves toward dick structures, but college (for better or worse) is where a person is likely to explore its individuality, and how it relates to others. This also can act like a batting tee, in that this is almost never what actual living is like, in terms of how one forms a dude network.
It is at this stage that we most commonly identify the Generic Dude (Dude Chrysalis) - a presentation that is kind of like sloppy Old Navy. As the Dude builds his value system (and grapples with increased responsibility for self-maintenance), the generic template becomes tweaked, accessorized, or more dramatically altered.
Most dangerous of all in terms of dude training would be art schools, where a person is likely to excel at the one thing it is doing (making art, etc) while never being challenged in academic classes. The natural high from living doing the one thing it does well produces armies of over-confident motivated hipsters, vocal opinionists and the like.
Dudes are formed organically and there is probably a Dude born every minute. College or no, a potential dude may exacerbate his/her realization and enact their own training through regular attendance or employment at a coffeeshop, frequenting an open mike night or joining a band, declaring a lifestyle, or otherwise publicizing their attempts at individual development and perhaps the things they have to offer other dudes.
Further, intensive Dude Study can be offered through a bout of unemployment. “He is getting his Dude Masters Degree.”
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