More Dude Values: Dude Fluid

In the study of human intelligence, scientists have used Bayesian statistics to prove the existence of the somewhat mysterious variable g, which seems to underlie all forms of intelligence. Similarly, in Contemporary Dude Theory we have determined the existence of a mysterious variable d that seems to determine a person’s relative dudosity. The question, then, is what is the origin of d? Some are spiritualists who think that dudeness is the quality of a person’s soul.

Being scientists, we are predisposed to search instead for a physical instantiation of d, and have therefore hypothesized the existence of some kind of dude Fluid. Perhaps produced by some not heretofore seen dude gland.

Maybe somewhere we will find the most absolutely perfect solid dudes. Do such people really exist? In any case, everyone else has had the experience of when their dude fluid is running low – when we would rather stay home and watch tv than go to a show and connect with our dude Network, when we yearn to pop out some babies, when we don’t feel like partying, participating in debauchery, or, most dangerous of all, eating pizza.

What can we do when our dude fluid runs low? Many try to replenish their dude fluid with drugs, alcohol, weed, Facebook, ecstasy, heroin, &c. This may work, temporarily, but there is a real danger of becoming a Fiend, and thus ceasing to be a dude altogether. See Monster Types, Fiend.

From the times of Galen and Robert Burton, people have tried to establish the bases of human emotion in humours: blood, phlegm, yellow & black bile, creating bilious, sanguine, phlegmatic, and melancholic personalities. Perhaps it is time to devote a division of dude science to a kind of dude Alchemy, to determine the exact combination of pizza, substances and activities that will create the fabled philosopher’s stone, or rather Dudestone, from which we can leach the elixir of dudeness.