**Contemporary Dude Theory** is almost ready to go to publication! However, it lacks illustrations. Would you like to contribute a custom drawing to the pages of this soon-to-be-prestigious journal? Let us know!
Contemporary Dude Theory is a joint text composed by Lou Joseph, Ian Downey, and Mary Lewandowski. Contemporary Dude Theory is an cultural examination and sociological hypothesis. In large part, the CDT outlines and describes different types of Dudes - therefore, we are seeking sober illustrations of these certain types of Dudes. Photographs are also acceptable, let's talk.
If you are interested, contact Mary or Lou.
(text starts after this post)
Monday, April 27, 2009
Don't Hate Dudes (an introduction)
This is a great moment in history. We are now embarking on an important step in the progression of human knowledge: the establishment of a rigorous and precise Dude Theory.
Dude Theory can be practiced by anyone with the proper background and training in Dude Science, whatever their personal attitudes towards dudes may be. Yes, it is potentially possible that a Critical Dude Theory could be undertaken, whose purpose was to identify the underlying structures of dude societies for the purposes of undermining and ultimately destroying them.
But, as founders of this branch of human learning, let us make our personal feelings be known: we do not hate dudes. We like dudes. Of all of the four established types of humans that have been hitherto identified, dudes are probably our favorites (though we have great respect for, and love of, folks, as well). Our painstaking research in the development of the process of cataloging dude types, values and networks, far from belittling dudes, only demonstrates our commitment to, and appreciation of, dudehood.
Scientifically speaking, Dude Theory is inherently value-neutral, and its essence is objective and without bias or predisposition either in favor of, or opposed to, dudes. Additionally, we assert that humor is an important part of any fully rigorous science, and fun may be made of dudes.
Moreover, we consider ourselves to be dudes. Perhaps it is this fact that so distinguishes Dude Theory from the outmoded sciences that Dude Theory has replaced, such as anthropology and sociology. These old-fashioned theories tended to impose an artificial set of preconceptions, distinctions, and contrived categorical separations between the subjects and objects of their study, with anthropology presenting itself as a group of cultured, civilized, developed, intellectual, scientific minds studying the “primitives,” and sociology presenting itself as the cool, critical, perceptive way of magically stepping outside of culture in order to objectively identify its power structures. We make no such claims. We are no different from, and certainly no better than, the dudes whom we discuss. Dude Theory makes no claim to redeem its participants from being dudes, through the magic of intellection.
Dude Theory is not just a new theory – it is a revolution in theory itself. Just as mind must now be understood as profoundly embodied, so must theory come to recognize its complete Dudosity.
That having been said, although the founders of Dude Theory are themselves dudes, we would welcome, as a great and important supplement to our research, Dude Theory from a non-dude perspective. We are keenly interested in folk perspectives on dudes, have already encountered some zombie-on-dude perception and welcome more, and although we dread the input of dicks, we recognize that it is necessary for the development of our science. (Nontheless, we must ask: by participating in theorizing, are not such humans becoming somewhat dudish?)
Finally, speaking personally, we would like to add our great and heartfelt love of dudes. For us, not only are we not making fun of a person by identifying them as a dude – dude is actually a kind of honorific in our vocabulary. It is a sign of respect and admiration when we refer to a person as “a real dude,” not unlike the term “a real Mensch.” We aspire to be real dudes, and for us, Dude Theory is part of becoming a real dude. Dude theory teaches us new techniques to maximize dudehood. For, in our opinion, folk structures, zombie structures, and dick structures, whatever there relative worth, all necessarily run counter to the spirit of democracy. It is only through the establishment of very strong and supportive Dude Structures that fully-fledged democracy is possible, let alone such far-flung hopes such as anarchy, socialism, or total dudetopia.
Dude Theory can be practiced by anyone with the proper background and training in Dude Science, whatever their personal attitudes towards dudes may be. Yes, it is potentially possible that a Critical Dude Theory could be undertaken, whose purpose was to identify the underlying structures of dude societies for the purposes of undermining and ultimately destroying them.
But, as founders of this branch of human learning, let us make our personal feelings be known: we do not hate dudes. We like dudes. Of all of the four established types of humans that have been hitherto identified, dudes are probably our favorites (though we have great respect for, and love of, folks, as well). Our painstaking research in the development of the process of cataloging dude types, values and networks, far from belittling dudes, only demonstrates our commitment to, and appreciation of, dudehood.
Scientifically speaking, Dude Theory is inherently value-neutral, and its essence is objective and without bias or predisposition either in favor of, or opposed to, dudes. Additionally, we assert that humor is an important part of any fully rigorous science, and fun may be made of dudes.
Moreover, we consider ourselves to be dudes. Perhaps it is this fact that so distinguishes Dude Theory from the outmoded sciences that Dude Theory has replaced, such as anthropology and sociology. These old-fashioned theories tended to impose an artificial set of preconceptions, distinctions, and contrived categorical separations between the subjects and objects of their study, with anthropology presenting itself as a group of cultured, civilized, developed, intellectual, scientific minds studying the “primitives,” and sociology presenting itself as the cool, critical, perceptive way of magically stepping outside of culture in order to objectively identify its power structures. We make no such claims. We are no different from, and certainly no better than, the dudes whom we discuss. Dude Theory makes no claim to redeem its participants from being dudes, through the magic of intellection.
Dude Theory is not just a new theory – it is a revolution in theory itself. Just as mind must now be understood as profoundly embodied, so must theory come to recognize its complete Dudosity.
That having been said, although the founders of Dude Theory are themselves dudes, we would welcome, as a great and important supplement to our research, Dude Theory from a non-dude perspective. We are keenly interested in folk perspectives on dudes, have already encountered some zombie-on-dude perception and welcome more, and although we dread the input of dicks, we recognize that it is necessary for the development of our science. (Nontheless, we must ask: by participating in theorizing, are not such humans becoming somewhat dudish?)
Finally, speaking personally, we would like to add our great and heartfelt love of dudes. For us, not only are we not making fun of a person by identifying them as a dude – dude is actually a kind of honorific in our vocabulary. It is a sign of respect and admiration when we refer to a person as “a real dude,” not unlike the term “a real Mensch.” We aspire to be real dudes, and for us, Dude Theory is part of becoming a real dude. Dude theory teaches us new techniques to maximize dudehood. For, in our opinion, folk structures, zombie structures, and dick structures, whatever there relative worth, all necessarily run counter to the spirit of democracy. It is only through the establishment of very strong and supportive Dude Structures that fully-fledged democracy is possible, let alone such far-flung hopes such as anarchy, socialism, or total dudetopia.
Who is a Dude?
It is fair to note alternate definitions of the term “Dude” (an effeminate British cowboy of the American Westward Ho years [derogatory] or “an elephant’s butt hair”, as I was told in the fourth grade [origin unknown]), but herein “Dude” is used as a term codified by its common usage: a familiar or known person.
Furthermore, please note that we use the word “Dude” as a gender-free identifier. This is a specific and natural effort to disabuse terminology of outdated segregations, and to acknowledge an essential nature of the Dude as a person compelled by Individuality. Though the physical shape of natural-born genitalia was assumed to suggest a template for personal nature, we are now in an era of cultural override, which celebrates the capacity for infinite variation.
Our times are casual and urban living promotes general crowds and united groups. In his tract The Psychic Soviet, Ian Svenonius remarks on the “Seinfeld Effect”, a mass response to the popular sitcom resulting in the trendy re-population of city centers. In an urban environment, one gains familiar awareness of individuals who live in proximity and tap the same resources. Like our blood relatives, we do not choose these people, but we are bound together by common space and/or time.
Though there have always been Dudes, there is currently a glut of them. A majority of college students will dabble in some form of dude lifestyle (some colleges seem to promote only this; see Dude Training), and widespread internet use among children provides the fertile ground from whence dudes spring. These examples align Dudes with youth and verily, a dude of any age is likely to have some youthful aspect. But lifetime Dudes exist, and with greater cultural prominence than ever before.
Furthermore, please note that we use the word “Dude” as a gender-free identifier. This is a specific and natural effort to disabuse terminology of outdated segregations, and to acknowledge an essential nature of the Dude as a person compelled by Individuality. Though the physical shape of natural-born genitalia was assumed to suggest a template for personal nature, we are now in an era of cultural override, which celebrates the capacity for infinite variation.
Our times are casual and urban living promotes general crowds and united groups. In his tract The Psychic Soviet, Ian Svenonius remarks on the “Seinfeld Effect”, a mass response to the popular sitcom resulting in the trendy re-population of city centers. In an urban environment, one gains familiar awareness of individuals who live in proximity and tap the same resources. Like our blood relatives, we do not choose these people, but we are bound together by common space and/or time.
Though there have always been Dudes, there is currently a glut of them. A majority of college students will dabble in some form of dude lifestyle (some colleges seem to promote only this; see Dude Training), and widespread internet use among children provides the fertile ground from whence dudes spring. These examples align Dudes with youth and verily, a dude of any age is likely to have some youthful aspect. But lifetime Dudes exist, and with greater cultural prominence than ever before.
CLASS STRUCTURE
The actuality is that Dudes are emerging as a new, self-determined Class in 21st C. America. Following are definitions of three major class stratum, based less on the traditional economic standard and more on lifestyle/value systems. In no order:
DUDES – Places greatest importance on being Individual. Prefers to develop Individual Characteristics (either imposed/manufactured or discovered inherent). Information/object/commodity and/or social community. This has its positive aspects, such as creativity and innovation, and its negative aspects, such as social alienation, empty novelty, universal irony, cynicism, and dead-end nihilism.
FOLKS – Primary awareness is of Group; a Folk sees itself as a piece within a whole. The Group is religious, ethnic, or regional, into which the Folk has been born.
DICKS – This is the active scaler of corporate, political, or social ladders, for the express goal of dominance. The values and goals of this person are socially determined, yet glorify the imperial individual. This is the common but essentially conflicted life template of the Dick.
The group is named after the common slang for male genitalia, implicating the overwhelmingly masculine content and character of almost all power structures of recorded civilization.
ZOMBIES/FIENDS – This type has a personal fixation that tends to incessantly draw the majority of a human’s energy and focus. A true Zombie or Fiend is isolated from a sense of humanity – it may indulge its fixation in the company of like monsters or sympathetic dudes, but is desperately aware of the condition: every man for himself. GHOULS are another identified Monster type, with the behavior of a Zombie but no discernable fixation. Observing the Ghoul, one is reminded of mind-control slave conspiracy theories.
……………………….
An individual is never 100% Dude or Folk or Dick or Monster, but possesses and demonstrates qualities of each as he moves within different aspects of his life: self-development(dude), family and social relationships (folk), arenas of wage-earning (dick), and obsessions (monster). However, every person will display a primary alignment with one of the groups. This is referred to as a “strong” association. A person may change their group alignment within their lifetime.
Dudes are emerging from a national cultural struggle between the dominant Folk and Dick class identities, which are naturally polarized, much as the traditional masculine father and feminine mother. The identity qualities of Dick and Folk are so predominant in our historical social landscape that we suggest all dudes lean one way or the other, and evidently tend to congregate with the like subsets.
Dudes and Folk
Often, dudes have to define themselves against a folk upbringing, reassessing the values that have been passed down to them from their families, schools, churches, corporate environments, and so on. (Please note the Hornby Rule, wherein a dude temporarily suspends the judgment of his primary dude value system when considering or interacting with the individuals of his native folk.) Folk-structures tend to promote conformity, which is not bad in itself. It is through elaborate folk structures that great traditions have been passed down, often in a non-hierarchical, organic way, and these traditions provide us with the cultural, symbolic “raw materials,” so to speak, which we dudes may rearrange as artists to produce our own dude-selves.
The strong influence of Folk upbringing compels Dudes to participate in Groups where individuals share a valued quality, activity or aspect of identity. There are innumerable examples of these subcultures, from burlesque theater to knitting circles to community-supported agriculture to guerrilla bike-riding. The Group can take occasional or overwhelming prominence in a dude’s life, depending on the dude and the activity, and in cases of heavy involvement, might result in a dude’s personal transition (back) to folk. For example, a dude might come into a Group before he has formed a substantial chunk of his own value system. The Group feels familiar and the ideas and attitudes he finds therein are more developed extensions of his own inklings. The dude might then personally espouse a kind of allegiance to and emulation of the Group that is Folk in character. In another case, a strong dude might be moved by social injustice to band together with other similarly-oriented dudes in a Group that addresses and combats the perceived injustice. If the Group’s fellow members and goals take prominence in the dude’s life, then she, too, is moving from a Dude to a Folk lifestyle.
Babymaking is the concrete way of transforming partnered dudes into “Genetic Folk”. In response to a baby, a great number of young dudes will abandon the full-time dude lifestyle for some combination of Dick and Folk (economic and familial) existence, faithfully if decreasingly retaining contact with some friend(s) or preoccupation from fondly regarded Dude years.
Dude/Folk hybrid
So: any grouping of Dudes can, with enough individual fervor, act as a Folk Group. But is there a Dude Type that stands out as a Dude/Folk hybrid? Because the dude and folk tend to embody polarized orientations (the individual versus the collective), this becomes tricky, but not impossible, territory. We have personally known some Proto-Hippies that have pulled this off quite successfully.
Dude/Dick hybrids
It is less difficult to identify Dude/Dick hybrids, since the two groups overlap in their heightened regard for the individual. One manifestation is the self-dubbed “Rock Star”, the guy who sidesteps his or her own mediocrity by being aggressively enthusiastic about the objects of “his” or “her” taste. In this way, it places its self at the pinnacle of some self-defined pyramid, experiencing at least the illusion of (cultural) power dominance. See Dude Training for origins of Rock Stars.
The “Motivated Hipster” (see Performance Tempo Manifesto) is a more productive or visionary version of the Rock Star, actually engaged in the development of its own social extension. The Motivated Hipster succeeds in achieving relative cultural power through a ruthless pursuit of achievement, most notably engaging others towards its end without returning the favor.
The Dude/Dick hybrid announces itself most physically in the Sausage Party, a common gathering of self-identified “bros” (may include a small content of girlfriend [fuck accessory] or otherwise tamed vagina). Sausage parties are celebrations of shared maleness that stand as islands of relief from wild vaginas that naturally compromise and question the evident power of the dick. Sausage parties often focus on a shared hobby or consumable, such as sports, music, comic books, tai chi or booze. Explicit competition or mastery of the subject recreates a familiar and reassuring power structure to place his self within the sausage grouping.
DUDES – Places greatest importance on being Individual. Prefers to develop Individual Characteristics (either imposed/manufactured or discovered inherent). Information/object/commodity and/or social community. This has its positive aspects, such as creativity and innovation, and its negative aspects, such as social alienation, empty novelty, universal irony, cynicism, and dead-end nihilism.
FOLKS – Primary awareness is of Group; a Folk sees itself as a piece within a whole. The Group is religious, ethnic, or regional, into which the Folk has been born.
DICKS – This is the active scaler of corporate, political, or social ladders, for the express goal of dominance. The values and goals of this person are socially determined, yet glorify the imperial individual. This is the common but essentially conflicted life template of the Dick.
The group is named after the common slang for male genitalia, implicating the overwhelmingly masculine content and character of almost all power structures of recorded civilization.
ZOMBIES/FIENDS – This type has a personal fixation that tends to incessantly draw the majority of a human’s energy and focus. A true Zombie or Fiend is isolated from a sense of humanity – it may indulge its fixation in the company of like monsters or sympathetic dudes, but is desperately aware of the condition: every man for himself. GHOULS are another identified Monster type, with the behavior of a Zombie but no discernable fixation. Observing the Ghoul, one is reminded of mind-control slave conspiracy theories.
……………………….
An individual is never 100% Dude or Folk or Dick or Monster, but possesses and demonstrates qualities of each as he moves within different aspects of his life: self-development(dude), family and social relationships (folk), arenas of wage-earning (dick), and obsessions (monster). However, every person will display a primary alignment with one of the groups. This is referred to as a “strong” association. A person may change their group alignment within their lifetime.
Dudes are emerging from a national cultural struggle between the dominant Folk and Dick class identities, which are naturally polarized, much as the traditional masculine father and feminine mother. The identity qualities of Dick and Folk are so predominant in our historical social landscape that we suggest all dudes lean one way or the other, and evidently tend to congregate with the like subsets.
Dudes and Folk
Often, dudes have to define themselves against a folk upbringing, reassessing the values that have been passed down to them from their families, schools, churches, corporate environments, and so on. (Please note the Hornby Rule, wherein a dude temporarily suspends the judgment of his primary dude value system when considering or interacting with the individuals of his native folk.) Folk-structures tend to promote conformity, which is not bad in itself. It is through elaborate folk structures that great traditions have been passed down, often in a non-hierarchical, organic way, and these traditions provide us with the cultural, symbolic “raw materials,” so to speak, which we dudes may rearrange as artists to produce our own dude-selves.
The strong influence of Folk upbringing compels Dudes to participate in Groups where individuals share a valued quality, activity or aspect of identity. There are innumerable examples of these subcultures, from burlesque theater to knitting circles to community-supported agriculture to guerrilla bike-riding. The Group can take occasional or overwhelming prominence in a dude’s life, depending on the dude and the activity, and in cases of heavy involvement, might result in a dude’s personal transition (back) to folk. For example, a dude might come into a Group before he has formed a substantial chunk of his own value system. The Group feels familiar and the ideas and attitudes he finds therein are more developed extensions of his own inklings. The dude might then personally espouse a kind of allegiance to and emulation of the Group that is Folk in character. In another case, a strong dude might be moved by social injustice to band together with other similarly-oriented dudes in a Group that addresses and combats the perceived injustice. If the Group’s fellow members and goals take prominence in the dude’s life, then she, too, is moving from a Dude to a Folk lifestyle.
Babymaking is the concrete way of transforming partnered dudes into “Genetic Folk”. In response to a baby, a great number of young dudes will abandon the full-time dude lifestyle for some combination of Dick and Folk (economic and familial) existence, faithfully if decreasingly retaining contact with some friend(s) or preoccupation from fondly regarded Dude years.
Dude/Folk hybrid
So: any grouping of Dudes can, with enough individual fervor, act as a Folk Group. But is there a Dude Type that stands out as a Dude/Folk hybrid? Because the dude and folk tend to embody polarized orientations (the individual versus the collective), this becomes tricky, but not impossible, territory. We have personally known some Proto-Hippies that have pulled this off quite successfully.
Dude/Dick hybrids
It is less difficult to identify Dude/Dick hybrids, since the two groups overlap in their heightened regard for the individual. One manifestation is the self-dubbed “Rock Star”, the guy who sidesteps his or her own mediocrity by being aggressively enthusiastic about the objects of “his” or “her” taste. In this way, it places its self at the pinnacle of some self-defined pyramid, experiencing at least the illusion of (cultural) power dominance. See Dude Training for origins of Rock Stars.
The “Motivated Hipster” (see Performance Tempo Manifesto) is a more productive or visionary version of the Rock Star, actually engaged in the development of its own social extension. The Motivated Hipster succeeds in achieving relative cultural power through a ruthless pursuit of achievement, most notably engaging others towards its end without returning the favor.
The Dude/Dick hybrid announces itself most physically in the Sausage Party, a common gathering of self-identified “bros” (may include a small content of girlfriend [fuck accessory] or otherwise tamed vagina). Sausage parties are celebrations of shared maleness that stand as islands of relief from wild vaginas that naturally compromise and question the evident power of the dick. Sausage parties often focus on a shared hobby or consumable, such as sports, music, comic books, tai chi or booze. Explicit competition or mastery of the subject recreates a familiar and reassuring power structure to place his self within the sausage grouping.
DUDES AND NORMALS
The foil against which Dude Types are developed is normative society. In the not-too-distant past, Normalcy was the aspiration – if you didn’t have it, you pretended to. The long-standing normative traditions of ethnic and national cultures were dispersed in America, where Templates for Normalcy were invented and broadcast over television airwaves. But the multifarious influences and voices of our contemporary culture (and the consumer’s backfiring “Power of Choice”) has exploded our options beyond any reference point of normalcy. Our televised heritage was a strong influence that continues to permeate, but we no longer need to speak of it as the desired option. Normalcy is merely the default setting.
Indeed, the term “normals” is used among some dudes as a blanket to denote a mass of people who either do not seek to distinguish themselves, or use well-worn templates to do so. The term may be used by a dude about another type of dude, betraying a kind of hierarchy within the Dude Kingdom (see “Awesomeness” and “Holier Than Thou”, below).
Another, more subtle term in use is “everyone”, as in the case “Everyone likes to go to the mall on Saturday”, in which the explicit implication is that the dude speaking does not like to go to the mall on Saturday, thereby distinguishing herself from “the” mass. “Everyone” does not include her. (An interesting corollary to this habit happens among Hipsters, see below.)
Dudes are not necessarily arrogant in their differentiation as individuals, but they are most certainly conscious of it.
Indeed, the term “normals” is used among some dudes as a blanket to denote a mass of people who either do not seek to distinguish themselves, or use well-worn templates to do so. The term may be used by a dude about another type of dude, betraying a kind of hierarchy within the Dude Kingdom (see “Awesomeness” and “Holier Than Thou”, below).
Another, more subtle term in use is “everyone”, as in the case “Everyone likes to go to the mall on Saturday”, in which the explicit implication is that the dude speaking does not like to go to the mall on Saturday, thereby distinguishing herself from “the” mass. “Everyone” does not include her. (An interesting corollary to this habit happens among Hipsters, see below.)
Dudes are not necessarily arrogant in their differentiation as individuals, but they are most certainly conscious of it.
DUDE TYPES
In discussing Dudes, it is sensible that we speak of those qualities which make each individual outstanding. There are many types of Dudes and as many interior levels of subtlety and specificity as one is willing to consider. We may observe a group of people with similar dress and posturing and understand “them” to be a single type of Dude; and we may also consider the traits of an individual and discover another, less obvious Dude Archetype in that person’s inclinations and projections.
THE CREEP
The Creep is remarkably versatile and can be found in the company of a variety of Dudes and Folks. The Creep is aware of social norms and mores, but has made a wholly individual discovery: social rules are inessential. Perhaps this discovery arises from the internal acknowledgement of deviant predilections. The Creep has no intention of relinquishing its predilections, but has a sense that they should be secret from the world-at-large. In this way, the Creep gains a heightened sense of self-as-outsider.
The Creep can be social or non-social in activity, but always has a guarded sense of its own attitudes in relation to those of others. This gives the Creep a certain sidelong glance as it scans individuals, attempting to discern how much of its bent it can safely reveal. Conversationally, it is given to silent pauses and deflective techniques. When unleavened by social jocularity, these irregular qualities give rise to the uneasy reaction that many associate with the Creep.
There are many types of outsiders to social medians, but it is the Creep who is most covertly aware of its outsider status. Perhaps there are two kinds of Creeps – those brought up in an environment that directly denied some crucial predilection, and those whose predilection is deviance itself.
The irregular pacing of the Creep can be quite charming, depending on one’s degree of attachment to social norms. The Creep is so named for its furtive qualities, preferring stealth and shadows, where its activities will not attract attention.
THE JERK
The Jerk is so named for a disruptive social sensibility. The Jerk is quick with interjection – unconscious blurts or well-aimed jabs that tend to offend. The Jerk is a master of timing and may possess a noble sense of righteousness, not permitting the standard passage of social niceties to slip into bland mistruths (the origin and accuracy of the righteousness being variable). Or perhaps the Jerk is motivated by a titillation – the demonstration of its own power to yank a body from whatever indulgent inertia it prefers to engage.
Certainly an objective consideration of the Jerk can value it as palette cleanser. However, motivated Jerks are rarely warmly received. A repeat victim will be unable to feel comfortable in the presence of a Jerk, anticipating a variety of ridicule. The motivated Jerks enjoy this deference, as it bows to their power, and can incorporate it into a kind of personalized abuse.
Other Jerks are more impish, playing liberally with a sense of obfuscation and surprise, more misleading than mocking. The classic Tricksters are, perhaps, real Jerks. All Jerks have a heightened association with agitation, or “jerking.”
Jerks are related to VOCAL OPINIONISTS or CONTRARIANS.
VOCAL OPINIONIST
The Vocal Opinionists vary between intelligent, thoughtful humans and the Blowhards of yesteryear. They contrast with contrarians by possessing actual love for the object of their opinions, and are thus less prone to the jerking action of having “opinions for opinions’ sake”. However, the weight they place on the things they love (a particular band or sports team, for example) can end up paradoxically pushing others away from these things. This may be a desirable effect, preserving this dude’s singularity (Dude Currency). In a related fashion, the Vocal Opinionist can also develop a taste for the obscure and the niche, declaiming anything remotely popular; this high ground has dick character, mostly populated by cowards who assert the superiority of the unknown.
THE CONTRARIAN
A dude influenced by folk structures, the contrarian moves with the Group by moving away from it. In some this is merely an argumentative stance, in others, a reflexive way of life. The contrarian may be honestly but unconsciously motivated by a will to balance or perhaps by a habitual revulsion to popular opinion.
The career contrarian (dick tendencies) will skillfully perceive another dude’s self image and reflect the opposite impression of that dude; in this way, she immediately establishes herself as noteworthy or unsettling in the other dude’s landscape.
THE PROTO-HIPPIE or PATRIOT
The Proto-Hippie is enamored of the same goals and values that entranced the common Hippie (1960’s). However, contemporary awareness of the generational arc of the original Hippies lends the Proto-Hippies a less naïve approach to the vast idealism of their values. They have seen the essential wisdom of love- and Nature-based ideologies easily co-opted and insidiously distorted by savvy media empires and dick conglomerates. In order to perpetuate these ideologies without hypocrisy, they must develop a wily style of independence.
The core and shared values of Hippie-types have an Emersonian heritage. It is an arguably essentially American desire to reject the accepted power structure and forge ahead with a will to self-discovery and resourceful independence.
HOLIER-THAN-THOU
Like the contrarian, this person acts by reaction, but to different ends. The Holier-Than-Thou operates from a overriding sense that the decisions they have made are far and away morally better than anyone else’s and that because of this, they are oddly exempt from normal societal rules, like a Creep but more righteous. This type is perhaps best described from this field description, taken from a first-hand account of a Proto-Hippie gone awry:
“She's this social rebel sort, young and infuriated about … capitalism? Pretty political, pretty dirty, would never hold a job or buy a car or anything like that, tends to scoot around the country on hitched rides and maybe train hopping, living in group situations, always dumpster diving or working on a bike or a compost pile… do you know this sort of person? I really don't mind them, very spark-y and maybe kind of corny but hey, I don't really like capitalist system either, and undoubtedly they are going to run into hypocrisy sooner or later, but I find it kind of charming. And maybe I'm a little jealous. I mean, by not buying into a system (or by living off of its dregs), they have a good amount of … freedom, I guess. I mean, you could take a canoe all the way down the Erie Canal. You could do that! But the problem with this Dude is she is so totally into her own system that she can only really deal with people that are also on that level. We went to a bar and she was like a fucking dud. Some older gentleman starts chatting with us and she just shuts down and becomes the most miserable jackass, probably mulling over sexism, etc. Finally, the last time we saw her, she confessed that she was just on a "higher spiritual plane" than most people, and when you got right down to it, she COULDN'T communicate with others, because of this lofty plane. Hm. So socialist, and so elitist. I guess these freewheeling types are in a weird position… they don't want to be sucking at the teat of society, but if EVERYONE drove around in their jerry-rigged vehicle, there wouldn't be enough French fry grease fuel to go around.”
NP-ARMY or BEIGE RACE
This type does not stand out in a crowd – she and he present themselves with an utterly sober comportment and fashion (often bespectacled). They tend to primarily value refined knowledge, or the air of education, which tends to remove them from passionate expression and urges to debauchery. Also called “enunciators”, these are avid subscribers to NPR and pack the house at a Spalding Grey concert, emitting muffled clouds of knowing laughter at his most oblique references.
HIPSTER
Consumer par excellence, devoting much personal resource to the study and/or acquisition of unique cultural goods.
Hipsters comprise a substantial branch of Dudes, given this loose definition. In fact, most dudes are Hipsters. Yet it is a curious and persistent pastime among Hipster dudes to hate on other Hipsters. Perhaps we can locate, within the Hipster Dude Type, the sub-types and spiritual pairs of Hated Hipster and Hater Hipster. A Hipster operates among these designations on a sliding scale, and may find herself hating or hated. But it is the Hater Hipster that defines the immediate relationship, by focusing on an individual or group of Hipsters that poses some irritation.
For example, one type of Hater Hipster, the Curmudgeon, might feel himself to be the descendant of America’s original Hipsters: beat poets, jazz musicians and feisty roustabouts not yet sullied by irony or the illusion of human powerlessness. The hunted acquisitions of the Curmudgeon might come from these times or earlier, and his senses have been refined to detect the relative “authenticity” of the commodities he pursues. This dude’s Hated Hipster, Skinny Pants, has an acquisitive focus that is merely style itself, outrageous in self-presentation and vacuous at its core.
Not all Hater Hipsters are so intellectual – indeed, Hipster Hate is both the birthright and the baptism of any Hipster. It is easy to see this problem as a simple self-loathing, one only a bit more disguised than that possessed by Trustafarians.
CONVENTION HALL SOCIALITE
This is a Dude whose primary social group tends to gather in conventions – comics, anachronism societies, and furries are all representative of this social type.
GEOGRAPHIC REPRESENTATIVES
These Dudes have been strongly shaped by a non-local region and possess a natural novelty (Dude Currency) for any Dude hive. Accents will get you far.
A notable corollary to this phenomenon is a Dude whose style naturally emulates a non-local Dude hive, especially if the Dude keeps threatening to re-locate to that area.
The MAN/LADY-ABOUT-TOWN
This is perhaps the consummate dude, well-known for being well-known. The M/LAT is relative to the Town Crier, as both keep the Dude Network alive in their physical activity. The M/LAT is a potential Zombie.
THE CREEP
The Creep is remarkably versatile and can be found in the company of a variety of Dudes and Folks. The Creep is aware of social norms and mores, but has made a wholly individual discovery: social rules are inessential. Perhaps this discovery arises from the internal acknowledgement of deviant predilections. The Creep has no intention of relinquishing its predilections, but has a sense that they should be secret from the world-at-large. In this way, the Creep gains a heightened sense of self-as-outsider.
The Creep can be social or non-social in activity, but always has a guarded sense of its own attitudes in relation to those of others. This gives the Creep a certain sidelong glance as it scans individuals, attempting to discern how much of its bent it can safely reveal. Conversationally, it is given to silent pauses and deflective techniques. When unleavened by social jocularity, these irregular qualities give rise to the uneasy reaction that many associate with the Creep.
There are many types of outsiders to social medians, but it is the Creep who is most covertly aware of its outsider status. Perhaps there are two kinds of Creeps – those brought up in an environment that directly denied some crucial predilection, and those whose predilection is deviance itself.
The irregular pacing of the Creep can be quite charming, depending on one’s degree of attachment to social norms. The Creep is so named for its furtive qualities, preferring stealth and shadows, where its activities will not attract attention.
THE JERK
The Jerk is so named for a disruptive social sensibility. The Jerk is quick with interjection – unconscious blurts or well-aimed jabs that tend to offend. The Jerk is a master of timing and may possess a noble sense of righteousness, not permitting the standard passage of social niceties to slip into bland mistruths (the origin and accuracy of the righteousness being variable). Or perhaps the Jerk is motivated by a titillation – the demonstration of its own power to yank a body from whatever indulgent inertia it prefers to engage.
Certainly an objective consideration of the Jerk can value it as palette cleanser. However, motivated Jerks are rarely warmly received. A repeat victim will be unable to feel comfortable in the presence of a Jerk, anticipating a variety of ridicule. The motivated Jerks enjoy this deference, as it bows to their power, and can incorporate it into a kind of personalized abuse.
Other Jerks are more impish, playing liberally with a sense of obfuscation and surprise, more misleading than mocking. The classic Tricksters are, perhaps, real Jerks. All Jerks have a heightened association with agitation, or “jerking.”
Jerks are related to VOCAL OPINIONISTS or CONTRARIANS.
VOCAL OPINIONIST
The Vocal Opinionists vary between intelligent, thoughtful humans and the Blowhards of yesteryear. They contrast with contrarians by possessing actual love for the object of their opinions, and are thus less prone to the jerking action of having “opinions for opinions’ sake”. However, the weight they place on the things they love (a particular band or sports team, for example) can end up paradoxically pushing others away from these things. This may be a desirable effect, preserving this dude’s singularity (Dude Currency). In a related fashion, the Vocal Opinionist can also develop a taste for the obscure and the niche, declaiming anything remotely popular; this high ground has dick character, mostly populated by cowards who assert the superiority of the unknown.
THE CONTRARIAN
A dude influenced by folk structures, the contrarian moves with the Group by moving away from it. In some this is merely an argumentative stance, in others, a reflexive way of life. The contrarian may be honestly but unconsciously motivated by a will to balance or perhaps by a habitual revulsion to popular opinion.
The career contrarian (dick tendencies) will skillfully perceive another dude’s self image and reflect the opposite impression of that dude; in this way, she immediately establishes herself as noteworthy or unsettling in the other dude’s landscape.
THE PROTO-HIPPIE or PATRIOT
The Proto-Hippie is enamored of the same goals and values that entranced the common Hippie (1960’s). However, contemporary awareness of the generational arc of the original Hippies lends the Proto-Hippies a less naïve approach to the vast idealism of their values. They have seen the essential wisdom of love- and Nature-based ideologies easily co-opted and insidiously distorted by savvy media empires and dick conglomerates. In order to perpetuate these ideologies without hypocrisy, they must develop a wily style of independence.
The core and shared values of Hippie-types have an Emersonian heritage. It is an arguably essentially American desire to reject the accepted power structure and forge ahead with a will to self-discovery and resourceful independence.
HOLIER-THAN-THOU
Like the contrarian, this person acts by reaction, but to different ends. The Holier-Than-Thou operates from a overriding sense that the decisions they have made are far and away morally better than anyone else’s and that because of this, they are oddly exempt from normal societal rules, like a Creep but more righteous. This type is perhaps best described from this field description, taken from a first-hand account of a Proto-Hippie gone awry:
“She's this social rebel sort, young and infuriated about … capitalism? Pretty political, pretty dirty, would never hold a job or buy a car or anything like that, tends to scoot around the country on hitched rides and maybe train hopping, living in group situations, always dumpster diving or working on a bike or a compost pile… do you know this sort of person? I really don't mind them, very spark-y and maybe kind of corny but hey, I don't really like capitalist system either, and undoubtedly they are going to run into hypocrisy sooner or later, but I find it kind of charming. And maybe I'm a little jealous. I mean, by not buying into a system (or by living off of its dregs), they have a good amount of … freedom, I guess. I mean, you could take a canoe all the way down the Erie Canal. You could do that! But the problem with this Dude is she is so totally into her own system that she can only really deal with people that are also on that level. We went to a bar and she was like a fucking dud. Some older gentleman starts chatting with us and she just shuts down and becomes the most miserable jackass, probably mulling over sexism, etc. Finally, the last time we saw her, she confessed that she was just on a "higher spiritual plane" than most people, and when you got right down to it, she COULDN'T communicate with others, because of this lofty plane. Hm. So socialist, and so elitist. I guess these freewheeling types are in a weird position… they don't want to be sucking at the teat of society, but if EVERYONE drove around in their jerry-rigged vehicle, there wouldn't be enough French fry grease fuel to go around.”
NP-ARMY or BEIGE RACE
This type does not stand out in a crowd – she and he present themselves with an utterly sober comportment and fashion (often bespectacled). They tend to primarily value refined knowledge, or the air of education, which tends to remove them from passionate expression and urges to debauchery. Also called “enunciators”, these are avid subscribers to NPR and pack the house at a Spalding Grey concert, emitting muffled clouds of knowing laughter at his most oblique references.
HIPSTER
Consumer par excellence, devoting much personal resource to the study and/or acquisition of unique cultural goods.
Hipsters comprise a substantial branch of Dudes, given this loose definition. In fact, most dudes are Hipsters. Yet it is a curious and persistent pastime among Hipster dudes to hate on other Hipsters. Perhaps we can locate, within the Hipster Dude Type, the sub-types and spiritual pairs of Hated Hipster and Hater Hipster. A Hipster operates among these designations on a sliding scale, and may find herself hating or hated. But it is the Hater Hipster that defines the immediate relationship, by focusing on an individual or group of Hipsters that poses some irritation.
For example, one type of Hater Hipster, the Curmudgeon, might feel himself to be the descendant of America’s original Hipsters: beat poets, jazz musicians and feisty roustabouts not yet sullied by irony or the illusion of human powerlessness. The hunted acquisitions of the Curmudgeon might come from these times or earlier, and his senses have been refined to detect the relative “authenticity” of the commodities he pursues. This dude’s Hated Hipster, Skinny Pants, has an acquisitive focus that is merely style itself, outrageous in self-presentation and vacuous at its core.
Not all Hater Hipsters are so intellectual – indeed, Hipster Hate is both the birthright and the baptism of any Hipster. It is easy to see this problem as a simple self-loathing, one only a bit more disguised than that possessed by Trustafarians.
CONVENTION HALL SOCIALITE
This is a Dude whose primary social group tends to gather in conventions – comics, anachronism societies, and furries are all representative of this social type.
GEOGRAPHIC REPRESENTATIVES
These Dudes have been strongly shaped by a non-local region and possess a natural novelty (Dude Currency) for any Dude hive. Accents will get you far.
A notable corollary to this phenomenon is a Dude whose style naturally emulates a non-local Dude hive, especially if the Dude keeps threatening to re-locate to that area.
The MAN/LADY-ABOUT-TOWN
This is perhaps the consummate dude, well-known for being well-known. The M/LAT is relative to the Town Crier, as both keep the Dude Network alive in their physical activity. The M/LAT is a potential Zombie.
THE DUDE NETWORK
INTERIOR and EXTERIOR Dudes
Interior Dudes are geographically local and share our everyday life. Exterior Dudes are non-local; usually former Interior Dudes but also Dudes met during travel, held with consciously sustained bonds.
The TRANSIENT DUDE
Clearly, a key to successful dude networking is settling into a place to explore the groups and subgroups within a city’s particular dude network. The dude that moves around from city to city for various reasons impedes this, and research has shown that, with age as a factor, repeated moving does not enhance a dude’s ability to work into dude networks; if anything, one’s dude sniffing abilities increase but a given group is likely to become more closed and territorial as they grow older, with more folk tendencies.
The Transient Dude is in thus in danger of pursuing exterior dude qualities to the detriment of interior dude development. (The reverse of this is the Entrenched Dude: all interior, no exterior, which can also happen with Dude marriages.)
Also note the Dude of Eternal Return, who keeps on leaving the hometown and keeps on coming back.
This said, initial relocation from one’s formative homestead is a crucial step in Dude Training. This is the American heritage.
Dude Training
The Majority of dude training takes place on college campuses - some drift back towards folk and occasional dick structures, but college (for better or worse) is where a person is likely to explore its individuality, and how it relates to others. This also can act like a batting tee, in that this is almost never what the actual living is like, in terms of how one actually forms a dude network.
Most dangerous of all in terms of dude training would be art schools, where a person is likely to excel at the one thing it is doing (making art, etc) while never being challenged in academic classes. The natural high from living doing the one thing it does well produces armies of over-confident motivated hipsters, vocal opinionists and the like.
Notes on FOLK TEMPLATES
The Folk templates often inform relationships among Dudes, who are known to play plastically with relationships.
• A dude may understand a certain other dude to be as a sibling, Brother or Sister. This does not necessarily follow traditional gender assignation, and the subtle qualities of an individual relationship can be brought out in deviation; a woman and a man who identify as Sisters.
• Bros, of course, are a common subset of Dudes (see Sausage Party, above). The designation “bro” has slipped into contemporary presence via college fraternity culture, organizations necessarily formed from the celebration of shared maleness or brotherhood, though more refined Dudes will use the full term “Brother”. Bros represent an interesting triangulation between Dicks, Dudes, and Folk. A corollary to this family is groupings of men who identify as a group of Sisters.
• There may be a Grandmother, a generous female figure who connects well with a variety of people. Her home is a common gathering ground and she is hostess par excellence.
• It is rarer to encounter identification with Mothers, even less so Fathers, but informal adoption does exist.
Partnered Dudes
Although partnering (esp. heterosexual) has been heavily tainted by Dick tradition, Dudes still fall in love and want to hang out like all the time. Self-conscious dudes in partnerships may report the “Sitcom Effect”, which occurs when trivial difficulties in communication and suspiciously accurate heteronormative irritations disrupt partnered dudes (regardless of gender). These Dudes feel an inexorable pull to Folk hilarity that is not welcome.
Interior Dudes are geographically local and share our everyday life. Exterior Dudes are non-local; usually former Interior Dudes but also Dudes met during travel, held with consciously sustained bonds.
The TRANSIENT DUDE
Clearly, a key to successful dude networking is settling into a place to explore the groups and subgroups within a city’s particular dude network. The dude that moves around from city to city for various reasons impedes this, and research has shown that, with age as a factor, repeated moving does not enhance a dude’s ability to work into dude networks; if anything, one’s dude sniffing abilities increase but a given group is likely to become more closed and territorial as they grow older, with more folk tendencies.
The Transient Dude is in thus in danger of pursuing exterior dude qualities to the detriment of interior dude development. (The reverse of this is the Entrenched Dude: all interior, no exterior, which can also happen with Dude marriages.)
Also note the Dude of Eternal Return, who keeps on leaving the hometown and keeps on coming back.
This said, initial relocation from one’s formative homestead is a crucial step in Dude Training. This is the American heritage.
Dude Training
The Majority of dude training takes place on college campuses - some drift back towards folk and occasional dick structures, but college (for better or worse) is where a person is likely to explore its individuality, and how it relates to others. This also can act like a batting tee, in that this is almost never what the actual living is like, in terms of how one actually forms a dude network.
Most dangerous of all in terms of dude training would be art schools, where a person is likely to excel at the one thing it is doing (making art, etc) while never being challenged in academic classes. The natural high from living doing the one thing it does well produces armies of over-confident motivated hipsters, vocal opinionists and the like.
Notes on FOLK TEMPLATES
The Folk templates often inform relationships among Dudes, who are known to play plastically with relationships.
• A dude may understand a certain other dude to be as a sibling, Brother or Sister. This does not necessarily follow traditional gender assignation, and the subtle qualities of an individual relationship can be brought out in deviation; a woman and a man who identify as Sisters.
• Bros, of course, are a common subset of Dudes (see Sausage Party, above). The designation “bro” has slipped into contemporary presence via college fraternity culture, organizations necessarily formed from the celebration of shared maleness or brotherhood, though more refined Dudes will use the full term “Brother”. Bros represent an interesting triangulation between Dicks, Dudes, and Folk. A corollary to this family is groupings of men who identify as a group of Sisters.
• There may be a Grandmother, a generous female figure who connects well with a variety of people. Her home is a common gathering ground and she is hostess par excellence.
• It is rarer to encounter identification with Mothers, even less so Fathers, but informal adoption does exist.
Partnered Dudes
Although partnering (esp. heterosexual) has been heavily tainted by Dick tradition, Dudes still fall in love and want to hang out like all the time. Self-conscious dudes in partnerships may report the “Sitcom Effect”, which occurs when trivial difficulties in communication and suspiciously accurate heteronormative irritations disrupt partnered dudes (regardless of gender). These Dudes feel an inexorable pull to Folk hilarity that is not welcome.
DUDE VALUES
Issues of Production: The Productive Dude vs. The Non-Productive Dude
A subtle difference worth noting is found in examination of the relationship of the dude and his/her object of consumption. Most hipsters feel their track record of consumption amounts to something more essential than mere taste, but in many cases (re: contrarians and jerks), "things" are finitely valued for their obscurity and cultural capital they provide within dude's subgroup. What happens when a dude becomes productive, actively participating in the creation of aesthetic goods? Though there is no automatic result, it seems likely that participation in creative production decreases the compulsion to value consumables for the obscurity or uniqueness alone. Perhaps the common ground of material focus within both consumption and production activities may subtly influence the scope of value judgments, producing an incisiveness not found in the non-productive dude. (Compare: Motivated Hipster – Hipster – Rock Star)
Issues of Production (sub-issue #1): relationship to ideas of authenticity
This issue affects both the productive and non-productive dude equally; this is a particular problem with musicians, as decades of dude-friendly music has centered around the aura of authenticity, at times played for the only factor when considering quality. Our research has shown an obsession with authenticity only acts as a barrier to the path of awesomeness, and is more likely a tool for jerks/vocal opinionists that, in the end, actually have no real value.
MARRIAGE
Dicks and Folks define and use marriage for their own purposes, but Dudes understand that the will to join forces (or whatever) has natural presence for every (human) being. The battle for restriction is laughable when we witness what some dudes have “married”:
• Dog/Reptile
• Musical Instrument or Band
• Album/Comic collection
• Bike
• Unemployment
• Quasi and actual martial arts
• Pants
• Coffee
• The French/France
Marriage to a consumable material is often attempted but not recommended, as the renewal of consummation becomes a source of obsession and warps the Dude away from a necessary security of self-possession. This Dude becomes a ZOMBIE or FIEND (depending on the availability of the desired material), and values other humans only as much as they permit access to his Monsterism.
The T-Shirt, or, The Dude Uniform
Dude relations are not fundamentally combative, sexual, or familial. Yet, just as animals will send each other mating signals or perform elaborate rituals of simulated combat, just as aboriginal peoples wear special headdresses and body markings to establish tribal identity, so must dudes send each other coded messages to initiate a dudal relationship. This is accomplished through t-shirts.
T-shirts come in a variety of shapes and sizes, but the three most important types are message t-shirts, band t-shirts, and ironic t-shirts. A message t-shirt would include something like “Free Mumia Abu-Jamal,” a band t-shirt is self-explanatory, and an ironic t-shirt would be something like a teddy bear hugging a rainbow. Occasionally, a t-shirt will be all three, like an N’Sync t-shirt that indicated which member one considered the cutest. One must be careful, though, when wearing a t-shirt that says something like “Eric Clapton is God,” that one is understood to be an ironic hipster dude and not confused with a Bro.
A subtle difference worth noting is found in examination of the relationship of the dude and his/her object of consumption. Most hipsters feel their track record of consumption amounts to something more essential than mere taste, but in many cases (re: contrarians and jerks), "things" are finitely valued for their obscurity and cultural capital they provide within dude's subgroup. What happens when a dude becomes productive, actively participating in the creation of aesthetic goods? Though there is no automatic result, it seems likely that participation in creative production decreases the compulsion to value consumables for the obscurity or uniqueness alone. Perhaps the common ground of material focus within both consumption and production activities may subtly influence the scope of value judgments, producing an incisiveness not found in the non-productive dude. (Compare: Motivated Hipster – Hipster – Rock Star)
Issues of Production (sub-issue #1): relationship to ideas of authenticity
This issue affects both the productive and non-productive dude equally; this is a particular problem with musicians, as decades of dude-friendly music has centered around the aura of authenticity, at times played for the only factor when considering quality. Our research has shown an obsession with authenticity only acts as a barrier to the path of awesomeness, and is more likely a tool for jerks/vocal opinionists that, in the end, actually have no real value.
MARRIAGE
Dicks and Folks define and use marriage for their own purposes, but Dudes understand that the will to join forces (or whatever) has natural presence for every (human) being. The battle for restriction is laughable when we witness what some dudes have “married”:
• Dog/Reptile
• Musical Instrument or Band
• Album/Comic collection
• Bike
• Unemployment
• Quasi and actual martial arts
• Pants
• Coffee
• The French/France
Marriage to a consumable material is often attempted but not recommended, as the renewal of consummation becomes a source of obsession and warps the Dude away from a necessary security of self-possession. This Dude becomes a ZOMBIE or FIEND (depending on the availability of the desired material), and values other humans only as much as they permit access to his Monsterism.
The T-Shirt, or, The Dude Uniform
Dude relations are not fundamentally combative, sexual, or familial. Yet, just as animals will send each other mating signals or perform elaborate rituals of simulated combat, just as aboriginal peoples wear special headdresses and body markings to establish tribal identity, so must dudes send each other coded messages to initiate a dudal relationship. This is accomplished through t-shirts.
T-shirts come in a variety of shapes and sizes, but the three most important types are message t-shirts, band t-shirts, and ironic t-shirts. A message t-shirt would include something like “Free Mumia Abu-Jamal,” a band t-shirt is self-explanatory, and an ironic t-shirt would be something like a teddy bear hugging a rainbow. Occasionally, a t-shirt will be all three, like an N’Sync t-shirt that indicated which member one considered the cutest. One must be careful, though, when wearing a t-shirt that says something like “Eric Clapton is God,” that one is understood to be an ironic hipster dude and not confused with a Bro.
Dudes Like Pizza - a Dude Hypothesis by Ian Downey
One phenomenon requires special attention. This is, as yet, only a hypothesis, and requires more scientific study before it can be enshrined as Dude Theory, let alone fully established Dude Fact. But preliminary tests seem to point overwhelmingly in favor of the following conclusion: Dudes like pizza.
It may be vegan, cheeseless pizza. It may be homemade, delivered, or eaten by the slice at a pizzeria. It could be fancy gourmet pizza, but more likely it is just plain, cheap pizza. In any case, the fact remains: Dudes like pizza.
Generally speaking, consuming too much of a substance or engaging in too much of an activity may render a dude into a zombie, at which point she or he will no longer be a real dude. But strangely, this is not the case for pizza. Not only does consuming pizza not endanger dudosity, but, mysteriously enough, dudosity seems only to increase with every pizza eaten.
This goes way beyond “trends”. It is not trendy for dudes to like pizza, any more than it is trendy to breathe oxygen or metabolize protein. Dudes of all types seem to like pizza, regardless of their position in various dude subcultures. Pizza appreciation seems to occur at a sub-cortical, pre-trend area of the brain, which leads me to the hypothesis that, quite independently of nutrition (eating dough, tomato sauce, cheese in any other combination really isn’t the same and has nothing to do with dudosity), pizza seems to be, in some way that is not as yet understood, some kind of mysterious dude-fuel.
The origins of pizza are obscure: originally a folk-food from Sicily, it was a “pie” often used as a format for serving left-overs, in a manner that barely resembles modern pizza. Pizza as we know it, in its fully dudic form, seems to have first appeared in America and quickly became a very separate entity from the Italian folk-food from which it sprang. Nowadays, it has become a food totally independent of all nationality and ethnicity, the universal diet of dudes throughout the world.
Perhaps this arrangement of cheese, catalyzed by the correct proportion of tomato sauce and stabilized by an underlying dough-process, triggers some kind of neurological firing pattern that spontaneously causes humans to become more dude-like, more capable of independent thinking. In any case, I hypothesize a hidden variable, call it p, that represents the ratio between pizza-consumption and dudosity. Thus:
D = p(C),
Where D represents dudosity and C represents weekly pizza consumption. If you notice a dude’s pizza consumption is declining, she or he may be reaching dangerously low levels of dudosity, and may soon transform into a piece of folk, a zombie, or, (heaven forbid) a dick. If this happens, have a heart: immediately share some pizza with your dude. Just one pizza can save your dude, yourself, and all of us.
It may be vegan, cheeseless pizza. It may be homemade, delivered, or eaten by the slice at a pizzeria. It could be fancy gourmet pizza, but more likely it is just plain, cheap pizza. In any case, the fact remains: Dudes like pizza.
Generally speaking, consuming too much of a substance or engaging in too much of an activity may render a dude into a zombie, at which point she or he will no longer be a real dude. But strangely, this is not the case for pizza. Not only does consuming pizza not endanger dudosity, but, mysteriously enough, dudosity seems only to increase with every pizza eaten.
This goes way beyond “trends”. It is not trendy for dudes to like pizza, any more than it is trendy to breathe oxygen or metabolize protein. Dudes of all types seem to like pizza, regardless of their position in various dude subcultures. Pizza appreciation seems to occur at a sub-cortical, pre-trend area of the brain, which leads me to the hypothesis that, quite independently of nutrition (eating dough, tomato sauce, cheese in any other combination really isn’t the same and has nothing to do with dudosity), pizza seems to be, in some way that is not as yet understood, some kind of mysterious dude-fuel.
The origins of pizza are obscure: originally a folk-food from Sicily, it was a “pie” often used as a format for serving left-overs, in a manner that barely resembles modern pizza. Pizza as we know it, in its fully dudic form, seems to have first appeared in America and quickly became a very separate entity from the Italian folk-food from which it sprang. Nowadays, it has become a food totally independent of all nationality and ethnicity, the universal diet of dudes throughout the world.
Perhaps this arrangement of cheese, catalyzed by the correct proportion of tomato sauce and stabilized by an underlying dough-process, triggers some kind of neurological firing pattern that spontaneously causes humans to become more dude-like, more capable of independent thinking. In any case, I hypothesize a hidden variable, call it p, that represents the ratio between pizza-consumption and dudosity. Thus:
D = p(C),
Where D represents dudosity and C represents weekly pizza consumption. If you notice a dude’s pizza consumption is declining, she or he may be reaching dangerously low levels of dudosity, and may soon transform into a piece of folk, a zombie, or, (heaven forbid) a dick. If this happens, have a heart: immediately share some pizza with your dude. Just one pizza can save your dude, yourself, and all of us.
The Church of Awesomeness
What is the mysterious awesomeness that some chronically pursue?
Though Dudes have been suspected by traditional society as being devoid of or having dubious value system, there exists an overarching value at the core of the Dudes. Anchored in the defining qualities of individualism, this value may be dubbed Awesomeness. This value system is entirely exclusive to Dudes, and indeed represents the absolute exemplification of Dude culture and quality, often in refutation of certain value systems of Folk and Dick.
An awesome dude’s primary occupation organically extends from the principle of individuality, or “Dude Currency”. A dude in quest of awesomeness actively uses her individual nature in service to the Dude Community. In this, the awesome dude unifies both dick and folk impulses, achieving the perpetual vibration of a spiritual trinity.
Aspiration to awesomeness resembles a religious calling in that it overtly rejects “common” lifestyle options. However, “awesomeness” does not restrict one’s behavior as a set of commandments or laws, but more resembles a code of honor.
An awesome dude may or may not have a locally present genetic family, but has developed allegiance to Dude Family (which may include members of genetic family). The awesome Dude will have typical need for cash earning and survival, but never taxes his own dude economy with excessive freeloading or creative exploitation. This will never be an awesome dude.
Henceforth, we propose a definition of a Dude: a person in the pursuit of awesomeness, for themselves and for others.
(Please see Rebecca Solnit’s excellent article Sometimes Maybe Possibly: Radical Diffidence, Or The Shy Downturned Face of Revolution in Our Time for a general characterization of contemporary Dudes (Patriots) attempting to pursue Awesomeness in their daily lives by individually rejecting a culture enormously awash in Dick values, piece by piece.)
Though Dudes have been suspected by traditional society as being devoid of or having dubious value system, there exists an overarching value at the core of the Dudes. Anchored in the defining qualities of individualism, this value may be dubbed Awesomeness. This value system is entirely exclusive to Dudes, and indeed represents the absolute exemplification of Dude culture and quality, often in refutation of certain value systems of Folk and Dick.
An awesome dude’s primary occupation organically extends from the principle of individuality, or “Dude Currency”. A dude in quest of awesomeness actively uses her individual nature in service to the Dude Community. In this, the awesome dude unifies both dick and folk impulses, achieving the perpetual vibration of a spiritual trinity.
Aspiration to awesomeness resembles a religious calling in that it overtly rejects “common” lifestyle options. However, “awesomeness” does not restrict one’s behavior as a set of commandments or laws, but more resembles a code of honor.
An awesome dude may or may not have a locally present genetic family, but has developed allegiance to Dude Family (which may include members of genetic family). The awesome Dude will have typical need for cash earning and survival, but never taxes his own dude economy with excessive freeloading or creative exploitation. This will never be an awesome dude.
Henceforth, we propose a definition of a Dude: a person in the pursuit of awesomeness, for themselves and for others.
(Please see Rebecca Solnit’s excellent article Sometimes Maybe Possibly: Radical Diffidence, Or The Shy Downturned Face of Revolution in Our Time for a general characterization of contemporary Dudes (Patriots) attempting to pursue Awesomeness in their daily lives by individually rejecting a culture enormously awash in Dick values, piece by piece.)
The Godfather of Dudes, a sentimental memoir by Mary Lewandowski
Folks have formed the template on which many Dude relationships are based. But Dude-ism is, in fact, an historically recognizable phenomenon. The urge to marry and raise a family is not the only standard. My Uncle Frank was such a man of irregular values, a lifelong Dude. Living in the basement of my grandmother’s house and becoming a curious presence to me when Grandma died and my parents moved in, we were very aware of the ways he subverted “normal” living. Uncle Frank lived from the devoted charity of his sisters and brothers, and, it seemed to them, squandered it in a dubious marketplace. A flea market vendor ‘til the very end, he kept the company of a suspicious cast of odd fellows and wayward women that seemed threatening to my parents. There was overt disdain for the unfamiliar currency of favors and trades that quickly fell off when Uncle Frank fell ill. Who could Uncle Frank trust? A good number emerged for his funeral, but only one or two showed up during the months of hospice that preceded it. No doubt they were engrossed in the pace of their marketplace, speaking his name often with affectionate and saddened voices. I did not know any of his compatriots, but he was necessarily a shining softness among them – a man of such big heart and gentle nature that he frequently found himself on the short end (again, as it seemed to my parents) of a shrewd deal. Fitting that his final traffic accident – the fault of the other driver, for the first time – resulted in an insurance reward so enormous that it paid for two months of hospital care and continues to return to my mother and her four siblings even now, eight years after his death. Perhaps it was the short end of the deal again, though it was clear that Uncle Frank was not particularly concerned with such achievements. I understand Uncle Frank to be a sort of Dude Godfather, perhaps the Dudefather, living and breathing the same fashion of odd trades that occupy my Dude existence.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)