Monsters and Monster Types

In addition to Dudes, Dicks, and Folks, there is a fourth class of humans, known as “Monsters.” This word is etymologically linked with the Latin monstrare, the root of the word “demonstrate,” which means “to point out or show.” When Linnaeus classified animals and plants, there were some creatures that did not easily fit into any categories, (like the platypus) and had to be demonstrated separately: monsters.

Monsters are often outgrowths of other categories, people that have gone “too far” in a particular direction (generally the direction of their obsession) and are no longer dudes (or folk, or dicks, etc.). This is a phenomenon known as “monsterism.”

MONSTER TYPES

FIENDS: Severe addicts of slightly dangerous drugs, such as methamphetamine, heroin, and crack. Not every addict is a fiend - some are still dudes - but addiction sadly can cause people to lose their dudehood. Fiends often became involved in these drugs through dudish activities, either by hanging out with dudes who were using these drugs recreationally, or out of a deep personal striving, searching for the ultimate Fountain of Dudehood, which would magically replenish their dude fluid. But unfortunately, these people often end up losing all of their dudishness and turn into empty shells, bereft of all dude fluid.

ZOMBIES: Addicts of extremely dangerous (but mostly socially acceptable) drugs, like alcohol, television, facebook, and Scientology. Zombies resemble fiends in their emptiness and lack of dude fluid, but did not get into their addiction in an attempt at dudehood, but because of the horribly addictive and mind-destroying properties of these drugs, and because of the fact that these drugs are allowed and indeed strongly encouraged by the L.S.S. (larger social structure) This is evidence that, like an actual Zombie, this Monster does have Dude Fluid, but it had atrophied and hardened from this kind of self-abuse.12

GHOULS: Ghouls resemble Zombies and Fiends in superficial ways, but there is no discernible drug that has sapped their dude fluid. They simply waste away to nothing for no clear reason. The undeniable existence of Ghouls is one of the profound and sad mysteries of dude science.13

VAMPIRE: This person thrives off the energy of Dude Groups, encouraging the group’s existence without adding their own productive motivation. This Monster is suspected of leeching energy (or Dude Fluid) from the group. Potential Folk Monster.

Monsters discussed elsewhere in Dude Theory are:
ASSHOLES: The Dude Monsterism
COLLECTORS see Chris Ware14
SPORTS DUDES
MONGERS
TOUR HAG
VAMPIRE
BLOB